A Day Late

   It's Monday, not Sunday. Reason I bring this up? I usually write my blog on Sunday mornings, no exceptions, but yesterday was Christmas day, and like usual on that special day, it was go go go all day long. As much fun as I had yesterday with all my family, not blogging yesterday left me feeling incomplete, my mind couldn't rest, my week wasn't over, my Sunday reset and reflection on the week was left open. So my reset in now, Monday morning, it may be a day late but I feel a great relief inside that I sorely need. 

   My focus has been all over the map lately, and not getting my Sunday reset exasperated it. My daily plan/routine has been chaotic, no focus, no agenda, just training randomly. I didn't realize how bad this had gotten until last night. It was like a voice inside me was waving it's arms and shouting "Hey, dumb dumb, you forgot about me". And it was right. I had a routine that was really working for me, I was up early, Tai Chi 1-4, one other form slow with purpose (usually Lao Gar), stretching, push ups and sit ups. Only took half and hours or so, started my day off right. 

   Then I slipped, first one foot off the path, then the other. Now I am heading who knows where, cause I sure don't. I have no morning routine, only excuses. And I have been denying it, saying "just today, give my body a break", then it is two days, then five. Luckily(?) I was journaling everything, and that was devastating, cause there it is, in all it's ugliness. December is basically a write off. Sporadically written logs here and there, vain attempts to regain momentum. I am buried in excuses. I am drowning in mediocrity. 

   But this reset feels like a pointy toed kick in the butt. I have been told to ease up on the thinking about it and focus more on the doing it. Knowledge versus skill. So away I go, first step back on my path, then the next.....

Traditions

    I had a really interesting and thought provoking conversation last night. Deb and I were at her branch Christmas party just chatting away when one of her co-workers sat with us, Jack. He is from China. No big deal, everyone is from somewhere, right? But I took a chance and asked him about China, not knowing if he would think I was "stereotyping" or being an annoying jerk or whatever, but I honestly wanted to get first hand knowledge of what life was like there. At first he was a little standoffish, but after he realized I was honestly interested in what life was like there, he opened up. We talked about food, the media, the village his grandparents live in, Chinese New Year celebrations, the Martial Arts, and so on. It was great. I could have listened to his stories all night long. It was like a little light in my world started to shine on the truth about something, not what the media tells me the truth is, but first hand honest truth. 

   What really struck me as amazing was when Jack was talking about the meals in his Grandparents village, it was basically a communal gathering. Everyone sitting around, sharing the days catch, the days food stuffs, the days stories, interacting with each other, family to family, all as one, no hierarchy, no rich or poor, all equals. Jack said everyone is so friendly, so open, caring about each other.

    This is so foreign to me being from the west. We all sit in our homes, segregated from others, maybe if we are lucky enough, sharing a meal with our family. Can you imagine sitting with everyone in lets say your block or subdivision (I dislike this word subDIVISION), gathering around a large eating area, seeing all your neighbors, talking, interacting, being communal, and eating your meal, EVERY DAY!? Wow, I can only imagine. Even events like our Chinese New Year banquet, we all sit at our tables, mostly keeping to ourselves. And yet within our grasp right across from us might be our next best friend, or someone with an amazing story to tell. And yet we squander those chances, substituting social media for actual human interaction. 

   Well enough of that for now. Tonight we are off to our third Christmas gathering, this time with my side of the family and there should be about 12ish people there and I will talk to each one of them tonight, they are one of my little communities. So are you.

   I know I didn't talk about my Kung Fu much in this blog, and yet I feel I did.

Lookin In

    Self awareness, trajectory, time management, applying knowledge learned, mindfulness, identifying the problem, have a purpose, does this serve me. All things mentioned in Saturday's morning class. I am sitting here thinking about what to do, which one do I think about first? Which one should I prioritize? All are equally important to deserve independent devotion to. And yet, with a little thought, I can see it as one all encompassing thought sequence. 

  Mindfulness and self awareness with a purpose, used with proper time management, can help identify problems in my training and my ability to apply the knowledge I have learned,  showing my trajectory, being positive or not, and whether I am serving myself with my intentions or not. 

   (this is just one way to look at this, others may see it differently)

   The more I read my take on this, the word that stands out the most to me is purpose. Others may see this or interpret this differently, but this is where I am at. 

   What is my purpose? Why am I doing what I do? Am I doing this on purpose with a purpose? Does my purpose serve me? That is going to take some thought. 

One to Remember

     What an epic day, Grading Day December 3rd 2022. It will live on in my memories forever for so many reasons. First the all important shout outs...

Todai Nigel Bauer, you were awesome, thank you for being my 5 techniques partner, I couldn't have asked for a truer and better partner. I can't say enough about what you assistance means to me, you are what Kung Fu is to me.

Other candidate's partners, you rocked, we couldn't have done this without you, Todai Lee and Todai Ferris, hats off to you.

Follow candidates, awe inspiring, all of you. No quitting, all out, smiles all around, you are a great group, your energy throughout the day kept me going, your successes were magnificent to see.

 To everyone who wished us success, we fed off that positive energy. Thank you.

And of course, the Grading Board. I can't imagine the stress and effort the 7 of you put into making this the day the day it is. Every detail, every aspect, carefully crafted to help us succeed. Your time and dedication to this is unmatched. A finer group of humans does not exist, I bow to you , thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

 

    I am going to relive this day over and over, so much knowledge was given to us, it will take years to process and apply. Yes I am physically and mentally spent, but the shine on my soul because of this day is undeniable. I am actually having a hard time putting the day into words, so much happened that it may take a while (and a few blogs) to process it all. Much more to follow, just not now, I am keeping this day close to my heart so I can savor it for now, mmmmm Kung Fu.

                                                                 Let the day begin!!

 

                                                                 But first, a smile.

 

         

                                                                Epic Day, done!!

 

 

Why Just Five?

    Five applications. I was working on these yesterday and I'm pretty sure I was having way to much fun doing these. A little tweak here, a complete overhaul there, it is funny how these can change based on your mood. Yesterday I was feeling playful, much to the vexation of my partner. I wasn't happy with my "kick" application, so I played. After some creative thinking, I came up with one I really like, and he didn't. Perfect, your partner isn't supposed to like it. Now I hope it is easily repeatable. I still have one more I am unsure about, but I don't want to change too much this close to "the day". 

   Gets me to thinking how easy it is to change the application with very little effort. A slide step versus a projection step, a strike versus a simultaneous attack, arm bar versus a softening impact, defensive versus offensive, and so on. So many choices, so many variations to try. At first I found these to be daunting, I mean how to do a technique creatively and effectively WITH CONTROL while making it work not just for me but using actual Kung Fu instead of the "me Hulk" mentality. 

   The control part I think is the hardest part. Sure I can smash my way through an application, but so can my opponent, and this very well could spell disaster for me. If he is bigger, stronger, faster, meaner, and I try to use brute strength instead of technique, game over. Working with different partners really highlights this for me. Size, weight, experience, intent, all play a part into the effectiveness of what I am doing if I am not using proper technique. If my technique is pure, then my opponent matters less, as it should work the same regardless of different attributes like size or whatever, to a certain extent. Sure if Andre the Giant was coming at me for a choke hold I would probably use a different technique than if PeeWee Herman was trying to choke me. But I would still use technique.

 

 

 

 

This is why I am really enjoying doing the five techniques, it tests my Kung Fu every time I do one, so why not do more?

Up and or Down

    This past week off from regular classes has given me so much time to reflect. One thing that I found ironic/purposeful was looking back in my previous years journals at my numbers. Disturbing trends started to appear. Nice thing about numbers written in ink, they don't lie. My weight is up while my diet/clean eating is down, this is a no brainer (duh). My push up and sit ups are down but my shoulders and hips feel almost pain free. My form reps are slower but I am starting to understand my flow better. My cardio has trailed off but I feel my endurance has improved. 

   The ups and downs have seemed to have settled into a groove, a groove of mediocrity. The trajectory I thought I was feeling was false. I mistook the positivity I was feeling for progression. Now that I have looked back at my numbers I realize I that I have let mediocrity creep in and direct my path. That sucks, especially 2 weeks before grading, yikes!! 

   Thankfully by writing down my previous years numbers I can see where my progression and regressions are. Once this year is done and tallied, I want to chart it and see the trends, like time of year, special events (holidays,birthdays,trips). If I want to kick mediocrity to the curb I need to understand how it creeps into my life, other than ego.

I Am....Grading

     I Am Grading. 

    Wow, even typing this, I get goose bumps. Three words, an infinite amount of feelings and emotions come pouring out. March 3 2014, my first class. Dec 3 2022, my Grading day. That is a total of 8 years 9 months and 1 day, or 3198 days or 4,605,120 minutes, or 276,307,200 seconds. That looks like both a lifetime to me and the blink of an eye to me at the same time. I remember sooo many individual moments that have helped define my journey but at the same time it all seems surreal. The amazing people I have met and trained with, too many to list but each and every one of them forever a kindred spirit, and a huge part of who I have become. 

    But who is that? That is what grading day will partially answer. That day I want forever more to be a black belt, not just get a black belt.

    I know grading day is just that, a day. It is not by any means an ending to my Kung Fu, but a sign post on my journey. I will continue training in Kung Fu because of the life it breathes into me. The humility, the empathy, the purpose, the discipline, the people who have become like family to me, Kung Fu is a part of my life until I am no more. As long as I am able, I will train, I will live the Kung Fu path. There is still so much to learn, I have only had a small peek into what the martial arts are truly about. 

    Yes achieving my black belt will forever change me, but every day I am alive, I am a different person than I was the day before, change is inevitable. I look forward to the responsibility that being a black belt brings, holding myself to a higher standard than I did the day before. 

            So December 3, 2022, I will give it everything I have. I will show who I am, good bad and ugly. By the end of that glorious day, I want to look back and say, "that was the most amazing day I have ever had". So if you can spare a second of time on that day, please send a positive thought or wish to your Silent River Kung Fu black belt candidates who are laying it all on the line, full throttle, exposing themselves to prove that they truly are black belts. 

    Thank you for reading. 

    

Slowin Down to Speed Up

    Thanks to Tai Chi, I am really starting to see my Kung Fu in a different light. Not just feeling my moves but seeing them as well. What I used to think was a completed move by feel, Tai Chi waves it finger at me and shows me otherwise. Tai Chi has allowed me to watch a move from formation to completion. Helping me to finding that precise point where energy is released, where technique triumphs and "good enough" falls apart. It truly is a beautiful feeling. 

   I do my Tai Chi every morning now. At 5:10am you will find me in the basement with my air-pods in listening to some Tai Chi tunes, flowing through my moves, preparing me for the day ahead. I should have started this decades ago, it energizes me in ways I can't really put into words. 

   So for those of you who haven't tried Tai Chi yet, you are missing out. 

  Where this ties into my Kung Fu has become pretty obvious to me. Several people have pointed out that I wasn't finishing my moves when I do a form. I never really got it, I thought I was, so one of us must be wrong. Well guess who that is, Me! I am noticing more and more while doing a form that I haven't released my energy before moving on to the next move, I wasn't in the moment. I thinking of the next move before completing the move I am currently doing. So I would tend to pull a punch short, or keep my stance too narrow, or just plain old flail around hoping to find a flow. 

   By applying Tai Chi to my forms and slowing them down to a speed where I can see the formation of a technique, it has given me a better understanding of my energy flow (or lack of). It makes me realize how much work I have yet to do (think mount Everest). Now I'm not saying I want to blow it all up and start from scratch, I just need to pay a lot more attention to my intent, to my power, to my flow, to my Chi (Tai). And with that should come more speed, more precision, more completion. 

I am not terribly happy with this blog but I am leaving it as is, not really sure I am getting my thoughts out properly.

Beating Up A Tree

    Board Break or Break-a-thon. October 26, 2022. Both success and failure. Yes I broke all my boards (yahh!), twice (whohoo!!), but.....the first attempt was chunky and awkward. The second attempt was better but still needs work. It is amazing what I see in my mind versus the reality of, well, reality. 

   On the first attempt I paused in between strikes, making it 4 individual breaks, no flow at all. The pause felt minuscule to me, like the blink of an eye or less, but it was enough that there was no flow in between moves. I had to use muscle and not technique to do the breaks, and I felt it painfully in my hands and feet. The boards felt like bricks and my limbs felt like marshmallows. Four days later and I can still feel my first attempt like painful little balls of spite reminding me what not to do.

   My second attempt fared better. By adjusting my strike points to allow for more rotation and space, I was able to flow from one move to the next with greater ease. While it was no Cassius Clay, it felt measurably better. The extra flow/rotation allowed me to do the strikes with much less effort. I found myself able to just allowing the strike to do what they does naturally. I went from using the "Hulk Smash" mindset to the "Flow like Water" mindset. Amazing feeling. It was like the boards weren't even there. Incredibly satisfying and humbling all at the same time.

When I reflect on the two attempts I see two different ways of approaching my Kung Fu. 

   The first attempt was all about Ego. I felt stronger that these puny boards, I didn't need flow I thought, I was just going to crush them into kindling. And while I did accomplish just that, it hurt both my body and my mind. What, it wasn't supposed to hurt! How dare the board fight back! This doesn't make sense, I am big strong hulk, you puny board, why you hurt Hulk?? Why, because there was very little Kung Fu involved in this attempt, it was all muscle and no technique.This is the wrong way.

   The second attempt felt good. It felt like a stream of water, flowing from one point to the next, never really stopping, just flowing. And pain free. There were no boards, just points on my Chi stream to look at, release, then move on. It was one of those "Aha" moments for sure. It leaves me to ponder the depth of my stream. Am I a lily pad floating on the surface of this river or a coral reef, deeply in symbiosis with the currents, flowing like a force with and through me. Sorry, getting a little Jedi here.

P.S.  A big shout out to my board holder crew, Deb, Kody, Nigel, Lucy, you all made this easier by being awesome holders. I knew I could count on you all to be invisible but indispensable, you guys allowed me to focus on the boards and that allowed me to succeed. Thank you.

42 - Please Don't Panic - I Have My Towel

    For those of you who know, 42 is a special and magical number for many beings. For me, today, it has extra meaning. It is 42 days till grading day. It is a long time from right now, it is a short time from right now. Time will both fly and drag, darn time can't seem to make up it's mind. I guess the important thing for me is that I utilize that time properly. Train effectively, eat properly, be teachable, get all my requirements done, use the time smartly cause once it's gone, it's gone. There will be moments of panic, there will be moments of peace, so I will try to savor them all. December 3rd will come and go, time will move on, life will continue. I have my towel, bring it on time.

My Favorite? I Have a Favorite?

    Oct 13 IHC class. Sifu Rybak says "choose your favorite form and do it.". Yikes. I spend the next five minutes trying to decide which of my form-children I love the most. I can't decide, oh the pressure! So I go with the one I am practicing the most at this point in time. Lao Gar it is. But this got me to thinking. Do I have a favorite?

   All forms bring something different to my table. I feel differently doing Eighteen Temple Motions versus Lung or Hung or Awakening the Dragon and so on. Each has it's own connection with different parts of who I am. Yes they are all Kung Fu and share stances and such but that is where it ends for me. Internal to external, hard to soft, fast to slow, what mood I'm in, time of day etc...

   I am still contemplating this cause my favorite depends on how I feel at that moment. 

Where am I From??

    Lineage can be very interesting. Everyone has a story, some great, some meh. This last weekend we were in Jasper for my Auntie Connie's celebration of life. She passed away back on Jan 29 of this year but her only son, my cousin Mike, is very cautious when it comes to Covid and waited till he felt it was "safe" enough for the family to get together. And what a get together it was. Fifty eight of us showed up from the family plus many local non-family friends and well wishers. Nice crowd, beautiful weather, it was quite touching. 

   I am still processing some of my emotions and thoughts from the weekend as it was a lot to take in all at once. Uncles, aunts, cousins, nephews, nieces, people I haven't seen since my Dad's celebration of life over 3 years ago. I made some really great connections this weekend that I hesitated to make before, mainly just because of the sheer size of my direct and extended family. It can be an overload, so many people, so many stories, so little time. But I did my best to go out of my comfort zone and just plain old fashion talk to people. 

   I feel different today. I feel more connected to my family than ever before. I don't know why I was so hesitant to connect with my relations in this way. In just the blink of an eye these people can be gone, poof, snap of the fingers, the end of their story. I find that terrifying. The finality, the inevitability of death. 

   But I digress because life is to be lived, not feared, shared, not hidden from. So if you see me in class or on the street or wherever, I want to hear your story, I want to know YOU because your story matters to me. 

   Thank you for reading this, I needed to share this because it really means something to me. 

P.S. This was my Dad and the way he approached life

Heel Toe Walking

                                   

https://youtu.be/hFElUILOkC4

 

 

 

                                                                                                                     

 

Heel toe walking. Start with your feet together standing normally. Choose a foot, left or right, it doesn't matter. Slowly start to lift your toes as far back as you can while lifting you foot. Start stepping forward gently kick the ground a foot step in front of you with the ball of your foot. Lift your foot and strike the same spot with the heel of that foot while continuing to step forward. Now let the ball of your foot fall to the ground. Repeat with the other foot, and so on and so on, until you start to get the hang of it.
 

 

 

Now we speed it up a bit. Try to combine all the motions together with as little pause in between them as possible but still keeping proper form. Again, do this until you start to feel comfortable and confident enough to start speeding it up to almost a regular walking pace.

 

Now that you have learned and practiced the steps and are conformable with the motions at a slower pace, it's time to speed it up to a normal walking pace. And here is the key to this, keep your center low and relaxed. If you stand up straight and stiff, heel toe walking does not work. So keep low, loose and breath, and enjoy some Heel Toe Walking.

POV

    Working with Ms Burke yesterday I opened myself up to her point of view. Through a off hand comment made by me, we opened up a conversation about foot placement. Now I know she has really been putting a lot of thought and effort into foot placement, but I haven't. I have just been going where my energy takes me without a lot of focus as to whether I am pivoting on the ball or heel of my foot. We played around with some moves and she showed me what she was working on. Very interesting. The insights she is having by doing this is something that has never even donned on me. Makes me wonder if I am even paying attention some times. Am I doing things "just because" verus "why is it this way". 

   It is amazing how a different point of view can change your vision on how you are doing things. While it can be disheartening sometimes, it is what I do with that insight that really matters. In this case, what am I doing with my pivoting on each move, and more importantly, why am I doing it? I guess I have found another rabbit hole to go down. 

   Maybe, just maybe, this is what it means to me to be teachable. I need to take what insight I gained yesterday and apply it to my training. Thank you Kaylee for your insights.

2 Min of Random

 Here we go, the timer starts now....

love chocolate dont like mushrooms wow road block already mmmm love summer tolerate winter love mexico my dogs name is bailey kody is now 17 (wow) go elks go foooottttball running out of time this is hard!!! stop looking at the timer silly and type 10 sec left another block done....

Circles of Truth

    What do a sore hip, physiotherapy, sleeping Hammers (18 temple motions) and mastery all have in common? At first I would have thought not whole bunch . But boy am I wrong. Back story first, connection later. 

   My right hip has been troublesome as of late, so much so that I finally sought professional help, enter Todai Bauer. In talking to him, I finally realized that it was time for me to lose the "I am invincible" attitude and get trained, professional help. What I can definitively say is I should have done this years, no, decades ago. In 37 minutes, my physiotherapist (Karen) had identified several areas of concern that have caused me decades of pain. Wow. Plus I got to try shock wave therapy, this was pretty cool and helped pinpoint without a doubt EXACTLY where I was tight. More please!! If I had just done this 30 years ago, that would have been 3 decades, yes that's right, 3 decades without hip pain. 

   Now for the Sleeping Hammers portion of this episode. Lately in class we have been using the "phrases" of 18 temple motions. I kinda knew them prior to this but never really paid them any heed. They were just the names of the moves, no biggy, right? What an idiot I can be, so it seems. What brought this to the frontal part of my brain's parking garage was Todai Duncan's video. There, for the world to see, he put 2 hammers in a blanket to show they are sleeping. What the Heck?! Where did he come up with that, brilliant!! And that started my quest to look into the "phrases", specifically Sleeping Hammers. Boy has this road of discovery opened up a new and spectacular portion on my Kung Fu journey. 

   So I will try to lay this out coherently. Tight hip causing lack of mobility unless I want pain. Pain caused by the muscles being tight and not releasing causing excess pressure on the joint and the kibbles and bits inside the hip that allow for ease of motion. To alleviate the pain, PROPER stretching and go to the physiotherapy and listen to what the professionals tell me, then do it. Makes some sorta sense right? Now for the 18 temple Sleeping Hammers.

   This move (for me) is about power and when to release that power. Hammers (fist) swing around coming down on the target, releasing their power (Chi). Boom, target destroyed, intent fulfilled. Kinda like any kick we do. Power builds up (technique) , travels through you and releases through your foot into the target. If there is no release, there is no power, if there is no power, there is no technique, and so on....kinda like my hip not releasing, hmmm, connected somehow??

   Mastery demands and eye for detail to be successful. I am not seeing what was right in front of me. Funny thing is, in Wednesday's class we were doing lots and lots of Da Mu Hsing. One move in particular was pointed out to me. I wasn't releasing my hips causing my punch to not fully extend. Again with the release!! How have I gone 8 years in Kung Fu and never noticed this before. Arrggg. Mastery is relentless, but I love her none the less.

   So in a round about circle of truth, I now have exit sign to a new path, and it's name is Release. Pack my bags, I'm going on a truth trip. 

   Sorry for the length of this blog, it was actually considerably longer to begin with, this is the condensed version. Hope it made a bit of sense.

  

Mulling the Now

   Did I say what I meant? Was what I said understood with the intention that I tried to convey? Is what I am saying making sense to others or only to me? Usually the answer is a big stinkin no, but to which question?. English is such a funny language, it is so easy to have your words or writings misinterpreted. As the immortal Bender Bending Rodrigues would say, "fun on a Bun".

   Take the word intensity for example. Ask 10 people what this word means to them and you will get 12 answers. I even have a hard time defining what this word means to me, to myself, right here and now. If I am in a good mood, it means one thing, bad mood, another, Tuesday this, Friday that. So trying to convey my inner understanding of this word is a quagmire of contradictions. Even the act of defining what intensity means to me causes the meaning to morph while defining it (funny, I actually typed in defiled by accident - Freudian slip?). 

   One of our written assignments for black belt grading is to define what intensity means to me. Done. Or is it?? I went back and re-read what I wrote on this subject and to myself I said "what the heck is this? This is not what intensity means to you, redo it!!". Well yes and no, that was what intensity meant to me at that time, at that moment, but not now, but maybe later? Arrgg - absolutes drive me bonkers. Which brings me to this. If you ask me on a Monday in the summer, intensity will mean one thing, a Tuesday in the fall, another. I am not being contradictory on purpose but you see the problem. As I grow in both age and knowledge, my understanding of the concept of intensity is going to change as well. This is a good thing, growth is good.

   So back to the drawing board on this word, for today's meaning will help define my training today, and who know what tomorrow will bring, right?

Ahh Vegas

    As summer winds down, Deb and I took a trip to Las Vegas with a few friends for her upcoming 50th birthday (Nov 2). As much fun as I had I must admit, nothing makes me miss the peace of home like a trip to Sin City. Sensory overload is the only way a simple Alberta boy can describe it. The noise, the lights, the excess of everything everywhere you look, and did I mention the noise? Being back at home, it feels as though a bubble has popped that was surrounding me, letting the peace of home come back to me with open arms. I also feel a weird sense of urgency to get things caught up and back on track. I am almost panicky when thinking about what the next few weeks of catch up will bring. But such is life.

    While in Vegas, Kung Fu took a side seat (never a back seat), I thought about it constantly, but try as I might, the opportunity never surfaced for me to do any meaningful training. Push ups - I was not putting my hands on that carpet, yuck, same as sit ups, double yuck. Forms, our room was tiny and designed by Picasso on dope, so only if I did the entire form on one spot, I did try but in no way did it feel like a form. The gym at the hotel was for steroid freaks only, so yikes - no thanks, there really was no open free spaces, but what did I expect, it's Vegas. 

   So back to now. Enough talking about what I didn't do, enough inaction. Time to get back at it, it truley is the only was to progress.

Easy Does It

    I really enjoy this time of the year. For me it is a time of contemplation, of review, of judgement. Did I get all my summer projects done, did I get in enough golf, did I make the most of the outdoors, did I visit family and friends, BBQ, ride my motorbike, take the dog on super long walks, go to football games, stare at the night sky, or did I sit on my butt and waste the five or six months we get before mother nature pushes me back inside. Yes this years' weather has been kinda weird, May was nice, June was rain-rain-rain, July and August were crazy hot, but mother nature doesn't care about my schedule so again I ask myself ,"did I make the most of my time?". 

   Well yes and no seems to be my answer. Luckily I am a morning person so I do my best to get as much done before 10 AM as the evenings can be repressively hot. But unfortunately this doesn't work for my family some days, well okay, most days. So I learn to be quiet, tip toeing around, planning and laying out my daily chores so that when everyone is finally up (usually 8ish), BOOM, I can get right at it. Such is today. I was up at 4am-ish (my normal time whether I like it or not) and wandering about the house planning my morning. What I ended up spending most of my time doing this morning was reflecting. Watching the sunrise, listening to the birds sing, watching the world take shape outside my window. It was very peaceful. Hence this blog. 

   I don't know if it because I am creeping up there in age or I am just starting to finally realize that life is way too short to worry about the petty things but some realizations have crept into my being lately. The world will go on just fine when my time is over so I must enjoy the time I am given. My health is good, my job provides, my family is pure gold, I have all I need to be happy, so I will be just that, happy. Sure I will still strive to improve where possible, but I won't stress about it. 

   I think one of the biggest factors that permeates my ability to enjoy my life is the awesomeness of those who have chosen to be a part of my life. Past and present, living and passed on, I have had and still do have some very incredible people in my life. The list is quite long, I won't go into detail, but you know who you are. 

   So thank you to all who have allowed me to be me, who have allowed me to enjoy this life, I greatly appreciate you.

  

Searching

    Looking out my window this lovely morning (Sun Aug 28 7am 10c perfectly clear sky very slight breeze - chilly but gorgeous - Johnny Cash playing on my Air Pods), I can't help but feel fortunate. My dog lays at my feet snoring, the two people I love the most are enjoying a morning of as much sleep as they want, I feel good - at peace. 

   It is the day after my latest assessment, two hours of pushing myself as hard as my mind and body would allow. It was a great day, it was a humbling day, it was a priceless learning day. 

   While I was disappointed with my overall results, I look at the day as a win. Why? What makes this assessment different than the other ones? That is a hard one to put into words. I will try to summarize my thoughts on this so this may be a bit disjointed.

   In no way do I want to come across sounding negative or using excuses to describe the day and what I have learned. Keep that in mind, these are just thoughts rambling around in my oversized melon. 

#1- I payed no attention to my numbers, I blocked them out, I just did as much as I could. Sure the numbers still matter, but I wanted to focus on what each piece of the test brought to the table. Speed was no longer my enemy, it was my ally, poking me to push just a little harder, to not listen to my body saying "stop", but to my mind saying "go". I found by doing this I was able to visualize better how this benefited my Kung Fu. No longer was I just going through the motions, I was saying before each one, this will benefit me by so and so. And believe it or not this made me actually enjoy doing it. And that made me laugh at myself. 

#2 - Laughing at myself made me realize I have been approaching this entirely wrong. I was sacrificing everything that is the most important for speed, for a number. Instead of using this as all or nothing approach, I now see more of the actual purpose that I need to apply to my training. Master Brinker calls it a scorched earth approach versus a sustainable lifetime approach. Where do I want to be when I am 60, 70, 80 and so on.

#3 - Where to go from here? Well forward of course. I will adjust some aspects of my training, but most will stay the same because I enjoy them. And that is so very important to my journey because if I no longer enjoy what I am doing, I will stop doing it. So I will start my day with Tai Chi, I will do my push ups and sit ups, I will squeeze in other forms when time permits, I will stretch, and somewhere in this I will kick and kick and kick till either I need new hips or my kicks become something I can be proud of. 

That is all for now, the day calls and I am listening, time to do, not do not.

Blurred

    It's the end of August (almost), and I feeling as though I have let so many golden opportunities pass me by this summer. Yes it rained for the month of June then has been stupid hot for the last two months but still, mother nature doesn't care what my schedule is so I am the one at fault. 

   I think I am spending to much time lamenting on things I didn't do and not focusing on what time I have left to get the things done that I want to still do. Even writing this blog, a list of unfinished projects and desires pop up in front of me. 

   I don't know why I have fallen into this funk but I don't like it. So this will be a short blog cause I am now annoyed at my lack of gumption and I am going to get my butt moving and throw my but out the window.

4 Degress to the Right

    In applying my previous blog about the all mighty question not questioning, I have felt doors opening all around me. Gone (mostly) is toxic way of thinking that I only want to do something "my way".

 Standing in front of me now like a shining beacon of white light is the wonderful face of opportunity. It has made me more aware of my Kung Fu in ways that I am super excited to explore.

 I must admit that I am struggling with trying to apply some of the new knowledge that  I am taking in, but that is okay with me cause I have no time limit other that mortality holding me back. It has slowed things down for me, I am no longer rushing to learn ten things at once but instead savoring the one or two thing I can actually digest and apply. 

So if you see me watching and I look confused, I am just wondering how you are doing something and how I can maybe try to apply that to my Kung Fu. 

I feel like a white belt again, all is new and shiny. I am very excited to start a new phase of my Kung Fu  journey. All I have learned up to this point is step one, now to take my next step, then my next and so on.

2 Degrees to the Left

    Sometimes I get pretty rigid in my way of doing things, and my Kung Fu is no exception. In last weeks blog I talked about generating questions. While I still do find it tough to generate a question that asks a question and doesn't seem like I am questioning for the purpose of ego fulfillment, I must still strive to generate properly thought out questions or my Kung Fu will stagnate.

   Saturday's morning candidate's class helped me with this. It comes down to a simple idea, instead of saying "this particular move/technique doesn't work for me", I should ask myself "why doesn't this particular move/technique work for me?". 

   So right after the class, Kody and I practiced some forms that I had questions on. I presented my question to him, showed him "my" way of doing a particular move, then watched "his" way of doing the same thing. Similar but different. But who was right? And that right there is the crux of the issue. I have been asking questions to suit the answer I want or expect, trying to show I am right. 

   With my question in mind, I tried his way, then my way, then his way, then my way, until I not only saw the difference but felt the difference. Wow, his way does work for me. My now understood problem was I just thought my way was better so I resisted trying his way to the fullest possible extent, dismissing it before understanding it. That was a fairly big aha moment.

   So with a 2 degree shift to the left, I think I now see the difference between a question to help with growth versus a questioning something to massage my ego.

Generate

    I usually don't ask a lot of questions. I really like to try and figure out things for myself, you know, bull headed, stubborn, ego-full, obstinate. Just the way I was built I guess. Well I am really trying to change that, and not just because I was told to by many different people. Usually when I generate a question, I strive to answer it myself. This way I don't necessarily have to think about the question itself, but just act on the "feeling" it gives me, good or bad. 

   Yesterday, Kody and I were going over various forms. I asked him to evaluate my forms as an instructor and not my son. "Be honest with me please" I say because I truley do value his opinion, he has earned it in spades. After some discussion I decided it was time to start asking some questions. Right there, right now, while they are fresh in my mind. I was surprised to see I actually had several questions that if I would have waited would have disappeared later. Not only did I ask the questions, but I wrote them down for further contemplation. This is new for me. And I now see the value. 

   But I must make sure that when I am generating these questions that I am asking a question and not questioning based on what I think is right. Again, ego, I must kick you to the curb Mr Ego or the question is worthless. That is the tough part, asking the correctly phrased question that best represents my struggle, not what I expect the answer should be (I don't know if this wording properly represents my thoughts on this - see how hard the English language can be - good grief)

   So lets see if I remember in class to ask some of these questions or if, as usual, I totally forget about them till it is to late and I am driving home going "oops" I forgot to ask this question. Maybe I should tuck my post-it note with my questions on it in my belt and hope it doesn't get soaked with sweat so I can pull it out at the end of class.

I Am....An Explorer

 I Am....An Explorer

 

    When I think of great explorers, I think of the likes of Ferdinand Magellan or James Cook. But I also throw in Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, Nicola Tesla, and the list goes on and on. Individuals who had the passion and drive to explore not just the world around them but their own mind and spirit. The tangible and intangible alike, well beyond the arbitrary boundary set by convention. Daring to not be content with what others tell them is the "truth" or "fact", but instead finding out for themselves what is actually their truth.

   Now I am in no way comparing myself to these pioneers of the modern world as we know it. My life is more like PeeWee Herman's Great Adventure that lets say Leif Erikson first setting foot on North America over 1000 years ago. My exploration is usually caused by happenstance.

   Prime example was last night. We (Deb, Kody and I) went to Ribfest at central park on a whim. On the way home, Kody wanted to go down a path I didn't even know was there, hmm. I commented that I had never been in this part of Spruce Grove before now, neat. Got me to thinking about other areas of the city I have now lived in for coming up 20 years that I had absolutely never been to. I have a bike, I have feet, I have a dog that loves walks. Why have I not explored these parts of my home town? Well one reason of course is time, but this is more of an excuse because if I really wanted to get out there and explore I would MAKE the time. The next one is tougher to admit, desire. Part of me says "you haven't been to these places cause you either haven't needed to go there or are just indifferent to them". Ouch. Not much of an outdoor explore here. Lots of room here for me to grow.

   Here we take a turn to the "Me". Kung Fu. A Martial Art with 2000+ years history, vast and colorful, stories and legends that would take a lifetime to hear and learn about. From the external part of the art to the internal, it has no ending, the path forward is forever, it is eternal. Where do I start, well as with the all important first steps in life, I take the first step (duh Don!). In this case I sign up for the journey of my lifetime, done. The key for me here is to keep going, never assuming I know even a millionth of what I need to know. Always learning, exploring our art both externally and internally. As we have learned repeatedly in class, getting a Black Belt is not the end of your exploration of Kung Fu, but merely a sign post on your journey. 

   I honestly look forward to exploring Kung Fu for the rest of my life. I look forward to  reading stories, going to class, interacting with my fellow travelers (that's you fine folks!), the blood, sweat and tears that the journey brings. And oh my what a exploration of me it is, I learn something new about "me" almost every day, wow....I am an explorer - of me.

Pullin Threads

    If I had to describe Me😁 right now I would have to use the words overburdened with chaotic everything. It is just that time of year when everything starts to happen at once. I must admit that most of the chaos is easily avoidable, but not at the expense of either missing out on something that I want to do or causing someone else to miss out on something that they want to do. There are football games, yard work, family time, down time, festivals, BBQs, get togethers, golf games, dog time, work, etc...you know - life. And of course Kung Fu (loves me fu).

   I want to get it all in, squeeze every drop of universe juice out of life, but there is only so much time in every day, so I must prioritize. So I pull threads. Oh my big tangled ball of string I call life, how I love thee. Like a gargantuan ball of tangled Christmas lights, I sigh and steel myself cause the only way to proceed is to start pullin. Luckily my threads are all labelled so I find an end, start tugging, and see where it leads you, hopefully I choose a meaningful end and not a dead end (knot or not?). 

   The treads I choose to pull today are.... finally read everyone's blog, I mean you all took the time to write them, the least I can do is read them. Then do some forms/push ups/sit ups. Then get my pup to the groomers (puppy spa day!!). Then some yard work, then pick up the pup, then groceries, then Kdays with the family (BIG chunk of the day here), then start some laundry, maybe some food squeezed in here and there, well you get - lots to do. 

   Prioritize, organize, adapt, but most importantly, enjoy. That is the shining star that guides my ship, am I enjoying this? Well Scooby-Doo, yes I am. My family, my pup, my home, my Kung Fu, I love all of it. So every ounce of smiley juice I can squeeze out of all the above I will. 

    Thanks for your time, I know you are busy too.

Rethink.

 I wrote a blog this morning. I posted a blog this morning. I deleted that blog this morning. This is the first time I’ve done that. It’s not that it was a bad blog or offensive, I just wasn’t happy with the message it sent out. 

 I am struggling will many things right now and that blog was a culmination of discontented vortices. I am keeping the blog for myself to look back on later to see if I have resolved these “things”. 

Thankfully I had a discussion with my wonderful wife about this blog and it turns out it was mostly just my inability to communicate my intentions and thoughts. My bad.

I need to rethink how to express my thoughts in that blog and will try to repost it at a later date. 

Talkin Tiger

    What a day. Saturday July 9th, 2022. The Tiger Challenge. It's back! After a few years of online events (thank you Covid), we finally got to do this the way it was meant to be done, live and in person. From the opening Lion dance all the way to the black belt sparring, it was a full day of absolute awesomeness. There were smiles and tears, ohhs and ahhs, but in the end I think everyone had a great time. 

   Then there is the lessons I learned from the day. There are many but I will only talk about two. 

   First one is sparring. Ah sparring, in my mind I am Donny Yen, in reality I am PeeWee Herman. I flailed, I turtled, I hesitated, I closed my eyes and wildly swung at the air hitting nothing but my pride and ego. Well suffice to say I just plain old fashion stunk. It was eye opening, thankfully my opponent took mercy on me and only slightly schooled me. What the heck just happened? What do you mean that shadow sparring isn't the same as real sparring, my shadow never hits or kicks me back. Needless to say, I was ill prepared for this. Back to the drawing board on this one.

   Next on my hit list is my hand form. Arrgg!! Good Grief!! I rushed, I didn't finish moves, I got mad at myself while midst form (which doomed me), come on Don, you know better than this, darn it (this blog is PG13 rated so yes, darn it).  I can do my form nicely (in my opinion of course) when I am practicing on my own, but put me in front of someone and BANG out comes my stupid ego. Flow - gone, Technique - none, Intent - what intent,  "Don smash puny form - show who boss', what a 💩💨 I am. I was not happy with myself when I walked out of the ring. But it was an priceless lesson. And some of the advice I received after was pure gold. Now am I smart enough to learn from it?

   So I am going to stop the self pity party there lest you think the day was in any way a negative experience. It was not, at all, even for 1 second. I loved the day. I wish we could do that every month, seriously I do. The most tired part of me was probably my face from smiling so much, with every other muscle and joint a close second. I need to keep everything I did yesterday fresh in my mind so I can improve on it (maybe by blogging like this - wow - who'd a thunk). 

   I also what to thank all of those who put in the time and effort to make this day happen, you folks are #1 in my books, thank you.

The I Am Requierment

    The I AM requirement has been something really special for me. To date I have done 18 of the 57 words laid out for us to ponder. Yes I will admit that I started with the ones that were easier to answer, saving the harder ones for later. But then I ask myself, "why do I consider some of these words harder to apply to myself than others?". That is a very tough one to answer, and I think that is what I like the most about this requirement. 

   I have been amazed at the introspection this adventure has caused, digging deep into what I actually think about myself. I have never really been one for true soul searching, preferring to skirt around the harder lessons life has had to teach me, pretending to be aware of my feelings and thoughts when in reality I am just floating by on the ideals of others. The I Am requirement has shown me some very uncomfortable truths about myself, but it has also made me acutely aware of facets of my id that I had previously been unaware of. The value of this in beyond measure, I am sure it would have cost me thousands of dollars at a therapist to explore these facets of myself. 

   So thank you I Ho Chuan, Master Brinker and Master Tom Callos for introducing me to this wonderful exercise in self learning, I will continue on with it till every one of the 57 words are answered.

Ready, Set, Tiger!

    Only 6-1/2 days till the Tiger Challenge. With the Farmer's day and Canada day demos neatly tucked under our belts, this is the main event I have been waiting for. It is whole school fun, everyone in the pool!! I love the Tiger Challenge in case you couldn't tell. While the Break-a-Thon is a close second, this is my numero uno event. The online Covid version was fun but not the same. Up close and personal, live and in person is soooo much more fun. 

   But I am still nervous of course. No one wants to have an epic fail in front of the judges and your fellow students. But that has happened to me before and you know what, I am still here! The lessons I have learned from competing in this event are priceless. Calmness under pressure, clarity of purpose, control of one's environment, all things you learn by competing in this glorious event.

   I have entered 7 events. In no particular order here they are.

Point Sparring

Board Breaking

Pool Noodle Sword Fight

Hand Form

Weapon Form

Obstacle course

Creative Musical Form

All equally hard, all equally fun, all equally a learning experience. I am really looking forward to this Saturday, I hope you are too.

See you ALL there!!!

I Am.... a Leader

 I Am.... a Leader

   

    To be a leader, to lead others, to have others follow me, what does this mean to me? So simple an ideal, it is just one word, how hard can it be, right? Well, as with everything else in the I Am requirement, I must dive deep to find out. 

 

   I cheated a little this time and surfed a little to find some ideas and words that helped me defined being a leader. Some of the things that caught my eye that I agree with are; a positive attitude, confidence, a sense of humor, ability to embrace failure, careful listening and feedback,  knowing how and when to delegate, growth mindset, responsibility, a desire to learn, perseverance, decisiveness, empathy, inspire creativity. I know there are a thousand more words and phrases to describe this word but do you really want me to list more, I didn't think so.

    So lets talk about the Canada day demo, in particular the Dragon Dance we performed. What else can I say, I think we absolutely rocked it hard!! I was grinning ear to ear when we were done. With a sense of euphoria, a bucket full of endorphins pulsing through my veins, I wanted to scream "we did it, we did it, I love you all, you were all amazing!!!!". The confidence and competence of this team was palpable, I could feel everyone's energy, surging back and forth through the Dragon, charging it, bringing it and us to life. Working as one but individually, following my lead, everyone doing their part, adapting, adjusting for the hill, a true team, OMG, when can we do this again?!

 

   Now I know some of our moves need work, but if the team can put into practice what we did on that hill, this Dragon will fly. So how to proceed as a leader, I guess that is up to me. As I review the list above, I see that every one of those phrases apply. 

 

I have a positive attitude, check.

I have the confidence that this team can achieve greatness, check.

I have a sense of humor, check.

I have the ability to embrace failure, because that is usually the first step on the road to success, check.

 I definitely have the ability to listen to feedback, in fact I embrace and require it, check.

I struggle with the delegation part, but the team will help me with that cause they are doers and we all want the same thing, awesomeness. check.

A growth mindset is ingrained in me, I am at Kung Fu for that very reason, I grow with every class and demo, check.

I take full responsibility for every failure or miscue, practice practice practice, it all starts and ends with me, check.

A desire to learn goes hand in hand with a growth mindset, check.

Perseverance, I guess my teammates are about to find out about that 😆, check.

Same as decisiveness 😆😆, check.

The last two will show themselves, empathy and inspire creativity, as we progress, the proof will be in the pudding. And this pudding will be epic.

...Sorry this was so long

 

 

 

I Am....Disciplined

I Am....Disciplined 

   I must admit, this one is more not than am. To me, discipline it the absence of excuse, the conviction of effort, the perfection of purpose. I will admit that I do not embody these ideals. To say that I am disciplined would mean I am not only lying to you but to myself. So here is a list of some of my lack of disciplines...

-My diet. This is the first one that I think of automatically. It is so easy to talk about but so monumentally hard for me to implement. I try to eat healthy, I want to eat healthy, I need to eat healthy, but I don't. I want to lose weight, I want to be "healthier", I want to be more empathetic with my food choices, but I never seem to succeed at this. Excuses, laziness, urges and ingrained eating patterns all work against me, and that is 100% on me. Ouch. 

-My effort to what is necessary to succeed. My mental and physical health, my job, my "projects" around the house, my personal life, all "good enough". This is forcing me to be mediocre. I never seem to be able to take things to the next level of awareness. I always seem to lack the discipline of mastery, taking the easy way instead of the hard way. Again, all on me.

 

Okay, enough of this negativity for now, it is bumming me out. Positivity time. 

I am disciplined at the following...

-I am disciplined at involving myself in my Wife and Son's life. I ask questions, I listen, I plan, and I love wholeheartedly.

-I am disciplined at writing my blogs. These are monumentally important to me. I have never had a platform for myself to express my inner me like this. These blogs have allowed my not only trace my journey through Kung Fu but through life. I have had deep conversations with this keyboard that I have never had with anyone else (sadly). Not writing a blog would be suffocating, and I didn't realize that till just now. Where else would I discuss something like discipline or lack of?

-I am disciplined at my desire to be a Martial Artist. In my opinion, only by striving to be a Martial Artist do I have any hope of becoming more disciplined where I lack it. The training, attending classes both mandatory and optional, the involvement in every event, the participation in the IHC every year, even the willingness to mop the floors and cut the grass, it all helps me with my journey towards discipline. The more I am involved in my Kung Fu, the more discipline becomes a way of my life. And this is a corner stone in my journey.

   Just like my wife, son and my blogging, my Kung Fu helps to define me. It graciously shows me that discipline is good. It is necessary, it is a tool to build a better me. 

So after this discussion with my keyboard, I have decided that  I am disciplined, where it counts (to me).

1           

 

 

 

What is Mine?

    Intent is a funny thing. It can be obvious or subtle, external or internal, intended or reactionary. It can and will differ from one person to another. And changing your intent to experiment with both your flow and insight can be inspiring. 

   This all stems from a question I asked at our 2nd degree Saturday morning class. The answer I got inspired me to vary the intent of my "eyes" on a particular move in Lao Gar. I took this idea to open training and applied it to see what would happen (thank you Sidai Bjorkquist for helping me). Well crap, it was like I got jolted into a new way of seeing things. And so now I am going to look at my intent with different eyes, so to speak. 

   This is just another lesson for me about ego. What I thought was correct was only that way because it was serving my own personal idea of something. My intent in this move was serving my idea of what I wanted this technique to be, and that directly affected my next series of moves, making things "chunky". Just a minor adjustment of where I am looking has smoothed this move out, allowing me to feel the move instead of see the move. Cool. I get it now, I hope. But where else do I need to do this, only time and practice will tell, as well as guidance from those with truer understanding of the art of Kung Fu.

The Good With the Bad

       The Dragon's head. The lead position. Either success or failure of a dance starts with the head. What happens with the rest of the dragon's segments during the dance is mostly out of my control, but if I don't nail my moves, that can ripple all the way down the dragon, destroying the magic of the dance. Sure my teammates might be able to pick up my slack and correct my mistakes but that's not the point. My mistakes might make or break the dance. Confidence and competence on my part, working hand in hand together, must be forefront in my mind. 

   Learning the moves, then piecing together a coherent sequence into a showpiece to wow the crowd, then kicking it up a notch to wow ourselves, this mountain is new to me. I have done a dragon dance before, but not as the lead. Being able to follow a move coming your way is totally different than being the one to initiate the move. Being responsible for the "life" of the dragon is a part of me I have yet to really explore. I know that ultimately only I can control what I do, but my actions will directly affect each member of the team. 

   So I guess I better get my game face on and pull up my socks, learn the moves, practice the moves, and bring this dragon to life. 

ps. 

There are many many symbols depicting "dragon" in Chinese writing, this one specks to me the most. 

Levels of Awareness

    One Degree to the right. Maybe three. A corrective lens for my eye for detail. Some me time. Questions I didn't know I had. Open Training. My wonderful wife. Tie them all together and I have a new tool in my toolbox. 

   Yesterday I went into open training with a sole purpose, Lao Gar. Twenty minutes of nothing but me and this form. No distractions, no stopping, just go.Then I spent some time analyzing that twenty minutes. I felt good. I managed five solid reps, one of them even actually ended up exactly on my starting point (first time ever!!). All was sunshine and roses. I was sweaty, I was tired, I felt good. 

   Then my wife showed up and we proceeded to critique each other's form, as only a married couple can. The freedom to be able to comment without worry of "hurting" someone's feelings is liberating. This goes both ways, me to her, her to me. No ego, just an understanding of implied trust, only the truth. And I obviously needed that because she pointed out quite a few things I am doing that I thought were right but most likely are not. 

   And that generated questions, golden glorious questions. Some I can research in our live stream videos, but some will need hands on instructor advice.

   So thank you wife, seriously, I need this. Thank you to open training time, to be able to work on me exclusively is priceless and greatly needed.

I Am....Conscious

 I Am....Conscious

 

   This is a tough one. Like the layers of an onion, every thought on this exposes another truth or lie. Like a crack in a windshield, you just know that this is just the beginning of of something that will have to be repaired no matter what you do before your vision becomes impaired and your path forward unsafe. This one has me wringing my hands together wondering how to start. The first thoughts of course are always sunshine and roses, then you start to see all the fertilized needed to live that life. How deep do I really want to look? I guess I will see where this goes. So here I go.....

adjective: conscious

aware of and responding to one's surroundings; awake

   Am I actually conscious, or do I think I am, unaware that I am actually not. Is my consciousness superficial or do I actually act upon the needs of my surroundings. 

   I must honestly and painfully say that I am superficial in many aspects of my consciousness. I have many plans, thoughts, ideas, feelings, that I know will improve both myself and the world around me, but they never get out of the starting gate, doomed to wither and die in the procrastination folder. Why? That is a hard question, why?

   Thinking about this actually gets me angry at myself. I know by comparing myself to others who are hyper-conscious (https://plumvillage.org/about/thich-nhat-hanh/), I am damaging my "self/ego", that is not how I will achieve a higher state of consciousness. I need to use this guidance as a template to help me achieve a truer me. I can not compare myself to someone who has dedicated their life to consciousness when I am only starting to think about it. Finding my flaws is tough, first I must admit I have them (ouch). Then I must face them, then actively and purposely act to change them. 

   So I guess my first step to consciousness is this blog, admitting that I need to poke my "consciousness" with a stick and see what pokes back. 

   This was a very difficult blog and I think I have only scratched the surface on this, This actually took me two weeks to write, erasing line after line, typing thought after thought only to realize that that was not true or it wasn't what I meant.

   Thank you for indulging me by reading this.

Other Peoples Thoughts and Energy

    Questions. Mindful training should generate questions. Or so I've heard. Our Saturday morning classes constantly amaze me because of the quality of questions being asked. This years winner is Todai Burke, last year it was Sihing Kohut. These two seem to find questions that I would never have dreamed were actually questions. Sometimes it is a simple question, sometimes incredibly deep. And the look on Sifu Brinker's face says it all, he lights up like a Christmas tree when a simple question is actually another layer of the Kung Fu onion just waiting to be peeled back. 

   Somehow I need to find a way to generate the questions I didn't know I had. Whether it is a simple question about foot placement or a deep soul scratch-er that my require some follow up, the questions are there, I just need to find a way to ask them. 

   Push hands. Wednesday's class we partnered up and did some push hands techniques. I partnered with Todai Bauer. I am very glad I did. I have always approached this technique from a strength point of view, "I am bigger and stronger so I win". Wednesday I was forced to approach it from the proper way to do this. As I tried to "impose" my strength on Todai Bauer, he matched my strength and then threw it to the curb like a dirty sock. I quickly realized that I was not going to out muscle him, no chance no way no how, so I closed my eyes and let him lead me, imposing his will on me, and it opened up a whole new avenue of sensations. I started to feel his movements almost before they were happening, I was able to react quicker and smoother (or so I think). It gave me chills, was this Chi?! I really hope so. 

   So I am sorry to say my family, but we will be experimenting with this at home, I need to feel more of this wonderful sensation.

I am....Excited

    I am....Excited

   So this is my 15th of 57 "I  am" project blogs, this the 16th week of the year of the Tiger (just realized I missed a week😡). And I am actually excited to do this one. Why, because it is a challenge to me personally to do it. I find doing this IHC requirement to be very helpful in finding out who I am. It is both incredibly hard and ridiculously easy to do these, if I am honest with myself whist writing it. So here we go....

   I get excited when I am challenged to do something that I feel I have a chance of succeeding at. Something that will allow me to grow personally or to help someone else who might need that growth more than me. I find positivity in excitement. I find energy, both physically and mentally, in excitement. Being excited about something invigorates me, gives me purpose and direction. Whether something is hard or easy, years down the road or tomorrow, the excitement of just being alive to be excited is exciting. I find being involved exciting. I could go on and on and on.... one final one, life is exciting.

   Just writing this blog has got me excited to greet the day, see what it brings, and savor it. THAT is exciting.

Feel Goodish

    Of course this blog is going to be about yesterday's fitness evaluation. As always, it was tough, grueling, sweaty, but also enlightening, gratifying, and dare I say, fun. No I didn't do as good as my ego said I would but I also took an awful lot away from it. The talks both before and after by the instructors, as always, had golden gems of wisdom that will help in ways yet realized by me. Every time I go through one of these evaluations, I learn a little about myself, and yesterday was no different. 

   To use Sifu Brinker's analogy (I am paraphrasing), sloth or kangaroo, not everyone is the same. So I will endeavor to be the best sloth I can be, not worrying about what the kangaroo is doing. The Kangaroo is not me, never will be. Never will I be a fast runner, and chin up monster, or Gumby, but that doesn't mean I won't try to be a super sloth. I will tweak my trajectory just a wee bit to the needed direction and hopefully make the progress that I am sorely needing. Mostly my kicks. 

   As I have said in previous blogs, these need work, both in speed/power and technique/effectiveness. Sifu Brinker gave us a map on how to do this, and I will take that first step on this new route this morning in my daily routine. It's funny how sometimes you are on a path that you think is the one that serves you best, the someone comes along and nudges you a little this way or that saying "if you like this route, you'll love this route, trust me". So you take that first step on your new path, trusting the wisdom and intentions of that person, and.....

to be continued😁

Mixed Emotions

    Round two of Fitness, year of the Tiger 2022. Coming this Saturday May 28th we are doing round two of our fitness assessment. Fitness test, fitness assessment, grading, blood sweat and tears day, call it what you want, this time around I am on edge more than ever. I know what the day is like, this is not my first time doing it. I know it is grueling, as it should be. But just thinking about it causes an explosion of mixed emotions in my head. 

   Too much planning by me I think is the problem. I am not using this day to complement my training but as hoop to get to the next step. I am too focused on the numbers and I am forgetting about reason behind the "test" as a whole. But that doesn't change the fact that I still need improvement to maintain a positive trajectory. Yes I want my numbers to improve, but I can't sacrifice my technique to just go for higher numbers. Speed power technique, or power speed technique, or technique speed power, or technique power speed? Numbers vs effectiveness vs precision..... stop it brain!!

    So many thoughts and emotions rumbling around in my melon, some good, some not so good. All I can do is face the day head on and give it my all. Bring it on.

I Am....at Peace

 I Am....at Peace

    What does peace mean to me right here right now? I had one of those moments of clarity yesterday when I realized just how at peace I am at the moment. Let me paint the scene......

   Saturday May 21, 2022, morning, sunny and warm (10c), at home in the yard with Deb, Kody and my dog Bailey. All of us busy doing much needed chores (except Bailey, she was basking in the sun - ahh to be a dog), all doing our own thing but working towards a common goal.

   Kody was pressure washing the back of my truck to clean out all the dirt (he could spend hours "cleaning" with the pressure washer), thanks my boy. Deb was tending to her gardens, de-weeding and preparing them for flowers and such. looking good honey. Bailey was being Bailey, loves my dog. And I was cutting, mowing, cleaning, organizing, de-dog pooping, helping where needed, staying away when not. Perfect. Absolute. Total. Simple. All the money in the world, all the power, all the influence, nothing could replace this moment. 

   I was happy. 

   I am at peace.

  

Fun on a Bun

    Thursday was the first real demo in what has felt like forever, and it was great. Even though I only managed to remember about half of my weapon form I still enjoyed myself a lot. Our team was amazing, and from what I saw, everyone was smiling. Sure there was some bumps and miscues from only having one practice before hand but the thrill of doing a live demo in front of a real crowd erased all that stuff and made for a perfect and memorable event. I am excited for the next one, bring it on!

Shadow

    Confidence and competence, do they compliment each other or are they opposing forces? Yes to both, that seems to always be the answer in my life. While competence may open a door to more confidence, overconfidence can destroy competence turning it back into incompetence.

   This shadow of thought crept into me in Wednesdays class. Kicks, lots and lots of kicks. Speed verses precision, thought verses wuxin, ability verses expectations (mine), reality verses ego. All of these conflicting with each other, wanting to be number one. And this caused both my speed and confidence to falter. I did not leave class with a happiness in myself for a job well done. I knew I could do better, faster, more precise, more power, but I didn't. I held back, why did I do that??? What was I scared of? I need some self analysis on this one, poke the ego in it's soft underbelly.

   I know that the fitness test is not a just test but a tool, a tool to be used to better yourself, because you can't measure progression without a starting point AND a goal. 

   And that goal is always going to be moving. Factors like age, health (both mental and physical), opportunity, willingness to improve, all add or detract to that goal, both positively and negatively. 

   So I am going to be doing a LOT of kicks in the next while, building my confidence back one precise powerful technically correct kick at a time. And maybe, just maybe, competence through repetition will open a door for me, allowing my to step through to that wonderful feeling of wuxin.

 

   See you all there

I Am....Organized

 I Am....Organized

 

   I like to think I have a fairly good handle on the life I live. My job, my marriage, my home, my family, my Kung Fu, my finances, my thoughts (haha yah right), I do my best to prevent any really big bumps in the road. I plan, I write stuff down (repeatedly sometimes), I talk things through, I research, I sometimes even ask for advice, it is just the way I am. 

   But life happens, things can go sideways with no warning at all. To that I tip my hat, you got me unaware this time fate but " fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me ".

   Not being prepared for something will eat at me to no end. And not being prepared for something is entirely on me. I will not share the fault with someone else when I was (and am) responsible for my own actions.

   I must organize not only for success but for failure. To deny one is to be blind in the other. Sure I want to lay down a concrete path to travel on, one with nice straight perfect edges and smooth as silk, but that is a dream world full of butterflies and calorie free chocolate. The path I tend to find has twists and turns, bumps and potholes and forks without signs. So I must plan. I must prepare. I must organize. 

   Even writing this blog, I had to not just organize my thoughts but re-organize my thoughts as the blog started to deviate from it's intended path, taking on a life of it's own. But that is okay, I rolled with the flow of my intent, re-organizing as needed, till I got to the end. The end.

The Benefit of Doubt

    The Benefit of Doubt, or better put, the benefit of having doubt. Is doubt a positive or a negative? A benefit or a detriment? Can doubt be used in a constructive way? Well here is my twist on this....

   I know I am not the "best" at many of the things I do, in fact I am not even the "goodest" either, and this raises the question of doubt in my actions sometimes both by me and by others.

So I am going to relate this thought train to the Tiger Challenge. 

   Yes the date got moved, big deal, and yes, Big Deal! Whaa? So, here we go. I was full of doubt on many of the events I am still registered in (seven in total). While I actually do thoroughly enjoy every event that I have entered, I am nowhere near fully prepared to dominate in any of the events. But here is the twist, if I sit back now and say "yah I've got an extra month and a half to not practice, plenty of time to pretend" that is what will happen, nothing. I will wait till the last moment to practice, thinking to myself that I'm not going to be the best anyways (darn doubt!!) so I can just dabble a little here and there, it won't really matter anyways. HA HA, Gumption trap! 

   Orrrr if I "pretend" that the Tiger Challenge is just 6 sleeps away and keep it at the front of my thoughts to light a fire under my butt, maybe I can use the doubts I have to my benefit. I can face the doubt monster head on, stare it down, mono e mono, challenge it, force it to work for me and not against me. 

   So I am going to invite doubt to train with me, push me, inspire me, and not drag me down. I will find benefit in doubt, that just the way I am....

Point Break

    Sparring. This last week we sparred for what felt like the first time in forever. Rusty, slow, hesitant, out of range, off target, basically I was back to square one. And all that did was make me want to spar more. 

   I had forgotten how much fun sparring is. To get hit, blocked, kicked, and smacked repeatedly reminded me that my ego meant nothing as soon as I walked through the door at the Kwoon. The smack down I received was much needed, and I want more 😃. 

   So hopefully Covid doesn't prevent our sparring in class (if it does - c'est la vie), my gear is cleaned and ready, I am pumped to get another "lesson". 

 

I Am....Patient

 I Am....Patient

 

   Christmas lights. Nothing tests my patients like taking down and putting up Christmas lights. Today was my day to finally put everything away till this fall. It wasn't snowing (finally) or raining, it was sunny and warm, we should have been golfing but Covid strikes again (Deb is isolating so so are we). "Be patient Don" I tell myself.

No matter how hard I tried, things got tangled, plastic broke, pieces just up and vanished, each cord seems to have three ends or no end at all, half the lights are faded or broken, I was really tempted to just leave everything up permanently. Unfortunately, my lawn mower would make short work of most the lawn decoration and then I would just have to buy new ones and do this all over again. So take a deep breath, be patient and take my time, what should have taken an hour took three, but everything is away in it's cozy little place, ready to be put out again this fall. Score one for patience.

And I thank Kung Fu for this. Every time I was about to go toe to toe with a Santa or a snowman inflatable, every time a cord had magically wrapped itself around my body like a hungry Boa Constrictor, every time I was extra gentle with a glass figure only to have it explode after I put it down, every time something bashed me in the shin just cause I have shins, I thanked Kung Fu for teaching me patience. 

Seriously though, I am in this life for the journey not the destination. My life has many sign posts telling where I have been and what I have done, some bad, most good/great. The patience I now feel in my life has allowed me to savor most everything, to be able to slow down and drink in my limited time on this earth. 

But I must be careful to not allow my patience to become inaction or procrastination. My patience must have a purpose, a means to an end. It must also have a dash of urgency, tempered by a pinch of inner peace. Patience must balance action and reflection, complimenting each other, working towards a ideal. What that ideal is is up to you.