Another or the Same?

   So this is my final month in the IHC. Seven years, that is how long I have been in the IHC. Being allowed to participate in this program has been a privilege, it has definitely changed my approach to Kung Fu. From being only involved in my two classes a week (adult 1 then 2) to absolute immersion in the school, the change in me has been profound because of the IHC. 

   Demos, potato bakes, mandatory/optional classes, accountability to my pledge to the team, being responsible for the banquet "process", the Tiger challenge, all of it. The IHC has become interwoven in my Kung Fu, but alas, my path will now be different. Or will it?

   Yes my accountability to the school has changed structured program wise, but I must endeavor to maintain that level of engagement to myself. Now is not the time to fade off into the sunset but rather to forge ahead and take charge of my own training and engagement. I will still blog, privately now of course. I will still follow the "no quitting" mantra because that has served me well. I will still have my hand up for every event the school has as well as come up with a few of my own. I will work on my forms, I will attend every class I can, both mine and others. I will learn and apply with intent. Scaling back on my Kung Fu is not really an option, it would feel like quitting to me. 

   So I will forge ahead, finding a new way to push myself instead of stagnating. Every class I attend will and must bring something new and shiny or I will admit to myself that I am just not looking hard enough. 

   So it has been an honor to be involved in this program, thank you for everything that every single person I have been involved has taught me. I will miss the program and all of you deeply but remember all the beautiful experiences fondly.

See ya on the mats amigos....

Push Ups  16500

Sit Ups  16350

Sparring  800 min

1609KM  1896 km

Acts of Kindness  1400 recorded

Hand Form  530

Weapon Form  525

Mastery recited 55

Simple Things

   The simple things. Breathing, sleeping, eating, mobility, etc. Little things I tend to take for granted. I have, so far, had an extraordinarily easy life, in my opinion. By easy I mean I have never had a major disease or catastrophic accident that have left me incapacitated or unable to live a full and beautiful life. I am gainfully employed, I am in control of both my high blood pressure and my asthma (thank you Dr Johnson), I have a beautiful wife who has gifted me a life I could only have dreamt of. I can not and will not complain as I know that all of that could vanish in the blink of an eye. 

   Life can change direction in an instant so I live my path to its fullest. I enjoy my ability to take a deep breathe (do you? - try one now - ahh sweet isn't it!), I savor my meals, I love to my fullest, I smile every chance I get, I laugh, I remember those I have lost, I cherish those I still have. I know my years are limited, more behind me than in front of me, I am mortal, I will die, but I will do so with a smile because I have lived and loved. Every disappointment and heart break is proof that I can love, that I cherish life and the rollercoaster it brings.

   This brings me to two recent experiences. 

   Tuesday in the Kid's class, I tweaked my knee while standing up. It sucked, it hurt, it caught me off guard. I couldn't function the way I wanted at all, so annoying. But I compared it to those around me who have gone through so much worse than this, my wife for example, "tweaked" her knee and needed surgery because of it. So a little pain for a week was nothing on the grand scale of what it could have been. As of today I am at about 80% so I dodged a bullet there. A little TLC and some stretching and it should be back to my functional. 

   Second is way more in depth and personal. I decided not to grade this year. This was both a shock to me and a relief to me all at the same time. I fought with my ego for months over this, but thankfully reason prevailed over ego. From my forms to my demo, I knew I was not ready and to ask the grading board to waste their time when I knew I wasn't ready was both irresponsible and arrogant of me, plus it was unfair to them. I will grade some day, but only when I can convince myself that I am actually ready. I have so much to learn before that thought can ever be broached again.

Push Ups  16200

Sit Ups  16050

Sparring  800 min

1609KM  1896 km

Acts of Kindness  1400 recorded

Hand Form  515

Weapon Form  510

Mastery recited 55

Sea Legs

   My time away was great. Great food, amazing sights, cool new adventures and most of all, uninterrupted time with my wife. No phone calls, no work crises, no drama. Perfect. Sure there were bumps on the road, mostly to do with the flights (so bumps in the sky??), but it was all part of the adventure.

   One thing that was a bit of an eye opener was the waves, I never accounted for the waves being a land lubber and all. My plan was to find a quiet little corner to practice my Kung Fu. So I found a little nook where I could "work" (infinity pool area at the rear of the ship) but very quickly realized I hadn't taken into account that the term "sea legs" is a very real thing. I swayed, I stumbled, I bounced off things, I must have been very entertaining to watch. I quickly realized that my planned ten days of peaceful forms practice was not going to happen. Even slowing it down to sloth speed still could not prevent being unstable, I just couldn't predict when a wave would push or pull just enough to throw me off. It was fun stuff, I almost felt blindfolded and disconnected from my body, good stuff.

   It did teach me to keep better contact with the ground at all times, sort of a constant slide/side step thing, but that only helped a little, it would take a much longer cruise (😏) to figure that out.  

   Now to get back at it. I am excited for what tomorrow brings, I have Kung Fu to learn and I am open minded and ready to receive, see you on the mats....

Push Ups  15300

Sit Ups  14750

Sparring  800 min

1609KM  1896 km

Acts of Kindness  1400 recorded

Hand Form  510

Weapon Form  495

Mastery recited 55

Good Away, Bad Away

   It's tough to be away. This extended time off over the holiday break has been tough on me. To make it even tougher, Deb and I are heading out tomorrow for a 10 day cruise and won't be back until Jan 16th meaning my first class back will be Jan 19th, yikes. That's 31 days away from the Kwoon!! 

   Now I want to clarify, I am totally pumped to go on this trip with my wife to the Caribbean and the Christmas break was as amazing as it could be, family, friends, all the good stuff. All I am saying is the time away from the Kwoon leaves a hole in me that proves how much I love going to the classes and learning Kung Fu. What I am noticing is an imbalance at the moment, where the interaction with others at the Kwoon should be, it isn't. 

   So I practice at home, I have a mirror for visual reflection, I have a mind (insert comment..) for mental reflection, but the feedback that I crave the most is absent. I know there are one-on-ones available, but I don't utilize them, that is on me. I am an in person kind of guy, not a zoom/facetime/whatever kind of guy. Having a meeting via Zoom is as awesome as it is necessary, trying to explain and show a "blockage" with something is tough. I struggled a lot with this during Covid only having classes on Zoom. I understood and whole heartedly supported the need for it but I struggled nonetheless. Hard for this old dog to change his ways I guess, I'm just a relic cemented in the past. 

   So know that I am thinking of you guys and gals while we are away, looking forward to seeing yall in person come the 19th.

Push Ups  15300

Sit Ups  14750

Sparring  800 min

1609KM  1812.88 km

Acts of Kindness  1400 recorded

Hand Form  510

Weapon Form  495

Mastery recited 55

Cold

   I used to not be bothered by the cold but this latest cold streak has proven to me that that time has passed. Stiff knees, creaky hips, popping shoulders, I sound like an old house when I move. I was trying to do some forms work yesterday and for the life of me I could not get my internal temp above artic zombie (that's really cold). I watched myself in the mirror and I looked animated, poorly animated that is, think poorly drawn stick figure or Claymation (with frozen clay). No flow, no energy, no loosey goosey, just blah. So before I ended up injuring myself, I stopped. My mind said to me "there is always later when you get warm".  But is there? Life can wave it's hand at you at any point and say "meet my friend, Death". Yikes, this took a morbid turn, sorry about that, but being 55 and counting you (I) start to think about things like this.

   So where I am going with this is.... enjoy it while ya got it cause tomorrow it could all be gone. Cold or no cold, be glad Don that you are still alive and "suffering" through this. Things could be so much worse. 

Push Ups  14700

Sit Ups  14050

Sparring  800 min

1609KM  1784.74 km

Acts of Kindness  1400 recorded

Hand Form  490

Weapon Form  475

Mastery recited 50

Mental Salad

  This is one of those blogs that could go many different directions. So much has happened this week that I could blog about but that would be excessive. Grading, banquet, kids classes, time off, breathing, Chi cultivation, both family and Kung Fu traditions, camaraderie, outside looking in, demo preparation, achievements and disappointments, injuries and healing, the list goes on and on. There is no way I could ever claim I have nothing to blog about. 

   To pick one topic and compose a coherent blog, would be an afront to the other topics. But I do it anyways. I just need a moment to pick from the list.....and the winner is outside looking in... winner winner chicken dinner.

   Be blunt Don. I feel like an outsider 99.99% of the time. And that .01% is fleeting if nothing else. The IHC helped with that. Being allowed to be part of the kid's classes has helped with that. But to get more of what I desire I must give more. Give more time, give more effort, give more compassion, give more room in my soul for others, just give. And that I do not know how to do.

  I am sarcastic, judgmental, a pro at procrastination, a wizard at self loathing, and fearful of myself. I could blame society for making me this way but that is a bag of steaming crap. I make choices that are self-deprecating, I am openly hostile and vindictive at times, so on so on.... And I lose sleep over these black clouds that circle inside me.

    These are all part of me that I constantly working on to eradicate from "ME", perpetually trying to snuff these feeling and character flaws out. Yes they are dark and brooding, but they make the opposing light so so so much sweeter. So I struggle with me. Why? I do because I know how good it feels to succeed, how good it feels to be loved, how good it feels to give a bit of me every chance that presents itself. And Silent River is a huge part of this. 

   So to all of those who read this blog, thank you. To those who don't, I miss you. 

And on the flip side...

Merry Christmas and a happy new year to all. 

Push Ups  13200

Sit Ups  12650

Sparring  800 min

1609KM  1707.74 km

Acts of Kindness  1400 recorded

Hand Form  430

Weapon Form  445

Mastery recited 50

Kicks, Kicks and More Kicks

    Focusing on my kicks in Tuesday nights black belts class showed many disparities. One was left versus right abilities (height, power, speed). It has brought to the front of my mind the fact that if I am doing a kick I will automatically use my left leg as that is the one I am most comfortable using. And for that I am now paying the price. My left hip is very unhappy with me. 

   I wanted the power, the speed, the coordination that comes with using my left leg while we were doing these kicks, I felt I was making good progress. But part of me wanted to see what the right leg could (couldn't) do. The right leg was slower, lower and off target. I wasn't surprised, I rarely use this leg for kicks, and it showed. Defiantly no six harmonies there, maybe two if I was lucky. 

   Part of me screams "then ignore your left leg and only focus on your right". But there must be balance or I risk more bias of a side. So I will start with the right, work out a few kinks, then the left gets to play. I want to see if I can find a balanced between the two so technique approaches a balance. 

   I most likely will always favor my left, I am a lefty by the way, but the right needs to start to assert some authority here cause I am leaving it behind. 

Push Ups  13200

Sit Ups  12650

Sparring  800 min

1609KM  1707.74 km

Acts of Kindness  1400 recorded

Hand Form  430

Weapon Form  445

Mastery recited 50