Maintenance

   I am super frustrated. I know I have not looked after my body properly in the past, poor diet and lack of exercise. I know I am getting old and stuff is starting to break down, arthritis. I know I talk (complain) about it a lot. I know I need to accept my limitations as I age. And so on and so on..... But it is super frustrating for me. I thought I was Superman.

   Not being able to participate in even the simplest of drills like hip throws is absolutely maddening. Standing on the sidelines and watching EVERYONE else do the drills breaks my heart. I wanna learn and participate, I wanna do what I need to to further my path as a black belt, but I know what will happen if I do. Even one ill paced move or fall and I am done for the night if not the week or longer. I WANT TO SCREAM!! 

   I have been to the doctors, I know my left shoulder is most likely permanent (arthritis) without some sort of surgery. I have my MRI for my left shoulder this week, my fingers are crossed, maybe they will find some kinda Voodoo or magical spell to reverse the effects of aging and abuse, my hopes are high but delusional. 

   My right shoulder is another story. Ironically I injured it days before getting my left shoulder assessed. And it is a very different kinda pain. It's like a stubbed pinky toe, toothache and paper cut under your finger nail had a baby, an angry baby. I find out the results of that assessment Sept 9. It's like the worst Xmas present ever is just waiting for me to open it. Crap x 2.

   So I modify, I poke the limits of the threshold of where the pain is, and it frustrates me to no end. I am hesitant to do things like train hard, I am scared my body will react negatively. But I will not give up, no way no how, after all isn't pain just weakness leaving the body? 

   Thanks for letting me vent. Sometimes the bubble of disappointment that surrounds me is just too much and I need a way to feel that there is still hope, still a way to see the happiness outside my bubble.

 

 With my new schedule at work my numbers have suffered but I am finding ways to adapt, 👍

P/UP  21978

S/UP  19951

SPAR 530 min (unchanged)

1609KM 1116.73 km

AOK  1010recorded

HAND FORM 380

WEAPON FORM 345

MASTERY 18 funny how this hasn't changed in a while, gotta change that x 2