I am....Excited

    I am....Excited

   So this is my 15th of 57 "I  am" project blogs, this the 16th week of the year of the Tiger (just realized I missed a week😡). And I am actually excited to do this one. Why, because it is a challenge to me personally to do it. I find doing this IHC requirement to be very helpful in finding out who I am. It is both incredibly hard and ridiculously easy to do these, if I am honest with myself whist writing it. So here we go....

   I get excited when I am challenged to do something that I feel I have a chance of succeeding at. Something that will allow me to grow personally or to help someone else who might need that growth more than me. I find positivity in excitement. I find energy, both physically and mentally, in excitement. Being excited about something invigorates me, gives me purpose and direction. Whether something is hard or easy, years down the road or tomorrow, the excitement of just being alive to be excited is exciting. I find being involved exciting. I could go on and on and on.... one final one, life is exciting.

   Just writing this blog has got me excited to greet the day, see what it brings, and savor it. THAT is exciting.

Feel Goodish

    Of course this blog is going to be about yesterday's fitness evaluation. As always, it was tough, grueling, sweaty, but also enlightening, gratifying, and dare I say, fun. No I didn't do as good as my ego said I would but I also took an awful lot away from it. The talks both before and after by the instructors, as always, had golden gems of wisdom that will help in ways yet realized by me. Every time I go through one of these evaluations, I learn a little about myself, and yesterday was no different. 

   To use Sifu Brinker's analogy (I am paraphrasing), sloth or kangaroo, not everyone is the same. So I will endeavor to be the best sloth I can be, not worrying about what the kangaroo is doing. The Kangaroo is not me, never will be. Never will I be a fast runner, and chin up monster, or Gumby, but that doesn't mean I won't try to be a super sloth. I will tweak my trajectory just a wee bit to the needed direction and hopefully make the progress that I am sorely needing. Mostly my kicks. 

   As I have said in previous blogs, these need work, both in speed/power and technique/effectiveness. Sifu Brinker gave us a map on how to do this, and I will take that first step on this new route this morning in my daily routine. It's funny how sometimes you are on a path that you think is the one that serves you best, the someone comes along and nudges you a little this way or that saying "if you like this route, you'll love this route, trust me". So you take that first step on your new path, trusting the wisdom and intentions of that person, and.....

to be continued😁

Mixed Emotions

    Round two of Fitness, year of the Tiger 2022. Coming this Saturday May 28th we are doing round two of our fitness assessment. Fitness test, fitness assessment, grading, blood sweat and tears day, call it what you want, this time around I am on edge more than ever. I know what the day is like, this is not my first time doing it. I know it is grueling, as it should be. But just thinking about it causes an explosion of mixed emotions in my head. 

   Too much planning by me I think is the problem. I am not using this day to complement my training but as hoop to get to the next step. I am too focused on the numbers and I am forgetting about reason behind the "test" as a whole. But that doesn't change the fact that I still need improvement to maintain a positive trajectory. Yes I want my numbers to improve, but I can't sacrifice my technique to just go for higher numbers. Speed power technique, or power speed technique, or technique speed power, or technique power speed? Numbers vs effectiveness vs precision..... stop it brain!!

    So many thoughts and emotions rumbling around in my melon, some good, some not so good. All I can do is face the day head on and give it my all. Bring it on.

I Am....at Peace

 I Am....at Peace

    What does peace mean to me right here right now? I had one of those moments of clarity yesterday when I realized just how at peace I am at the moment. Let me paint the scene......

   Saturday May 21, 2022, morning, sunny and warm (10c), at home in the yard with Deb, Kody and my dog Bailey. All of us busy doing much needed chores (except Bailey, she was basking in the sun - ahh to be a dog), all doing our own thing but working towards a common goal.

   Kody was pressure washing the back of my truck to clean out all the dirt (he could spend hours "cleaning" with the pressure washer), thanks my boy. Deb was tending to her gardens, de-weeding and preparing them for flowers and such. looking good honey. Bailey was being Bailey, loves my dog. And I was cutting, mowing, cleaning, organizing, de-dog pooping, helping where needed, staying away when not. Perfect. Absolute. Total. Simple. All the money in the world, all the power, all the influence, nothing could replace this moment. 

   I was happy. 

   I am at peace.

  

Fun on a Bun

    Thursday was the first real demo in what has felt like forever, and it was great. Even though I only managed to remember about half of my weapon form I still enjoyed myself a lot. Our team was amazing, and from what I saw, everyone was smiling. Sure there was some bumps and miscues from only having one practice before hand but the thrill of doing a live demo in front of a real crowd erased all that stuff and made for a perfect and memorable event. I am excited for the next one, bring it on!

Shadow

    Confidence and competence, do they compliment each other or are they opposing forces? Yes to both, that seems to always be the answer in my life. While competence may open a door to more confidence, overconfidence can destroy competence turning it back into incompetence.

   This shadow of thought crept into me in Wednesdays class. Kicks, lots and lots of kicks. Speed verses precision, thought verses wuxin, ability verses expectations (mine), reality verses ego. All of these conflicting with each other, wanting to be number one. And this caused both my speed and confidence to falter. I did not leave class with a happiness in myself for a job well done. I knew I could do better, faster, more precise, more power, but I didn't. I held back, why did I do that??? What was I scared of? I need some self analysis on this one, poke the ego in it's soft underbelly.

   I know that the fitness test is not a just test but a tool, a tool to be used to better yourself, because you can't measure progression without a starting point AND a goal. 

   And that goal is always going to be moving. Factors like age, health (both mental and physical), opportunity, willingness to improve, all add or detract to that goal, both positively and negatively. 

   So I am going to be doing a LOT of kicks in the next while, building my confidence back one precise powerful technically correct kick at a time. And maybe, just maybe, competence through repetition will open a door for me, allowing my to step through to that wonderful feeling of wuxin.

 

   See you all there

I Am....Organized

 I Am....Organized

 

   I like to think I have a fairly good handle on the life I live. My job, my marriage, my home, my family, my Kung Fu, my finances, my thoughts (haha yah right), I do my best to prevent any really big bumps in the road. I plan, I write stuff down (repeatedly sometimes), I talk things through, I research, I sometimes even ask for advice, it is just the way I am. 

   But life happens, things can go sideways with no warning at all. To that I tip my hat, you got me unaware this time fate but " fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me ".

   Not being prepared for something will eat at me to no end. And not being prepared for something is entirely on me. I will not share the fault with someone else when I was (and am) responsible for my own actions.

   I must organize not only for success but for failure. To deny one is to be blind in the other. Sure I want to lay down a concrete path to travel on, one with nice straight perfect edges and smooth as silk, but that is a dream world full of butterflies and calorie free chocolate. The path I tend to find has twists and turns, bumps and potholes and forks without signs. So I must plan. I must prepare. I must organize. 

   Even writing this blog, I had to not just organize my thoughts but re-organize my thoughts as the blog started to deviate from it's intended path, taking on a life of it's own. But that is okay, I rolled with the flow of my intent, re-organizing as needed, till I got to the end. The end.

The Benefit of Doubt

    The Benefit of Doubt, or better put, the benefit of having doubt. Is doubt a positive or a negative? A benefit or a detriment? Can doubt be used in a constructive way? Well here is my twist on this....

   I know I am not the "best" at many of the things I do, in fact I am not even the "goodest" either, and this raises the question of doubt in my actions sometimes both by me and by others.

So I am going to relate this thought train to the Tiger Challenge. 

   Yes the date got moved, big deal, and yes, Big Deal! Whaa? So, here we go. I was full of doubt on many of the events I am still registered in (seven in total). While I actually do thoroughly enjoy every event that I have entered, I am nowhere near fully prepared to dominate in any of the events. But here is the twist, if I sit back now and say "yah I've got an extra month and a half to not practice, plenty of time to pretend" that is what will happen, nothing. I will wait till the last moment to practice, thinking to myself that I'm not going to be the best anyways (darn doubt!!) so I can just dabble a little here and there, it won't really matter anyways. HA HA, Gumption trap! 

   Orrrr if I "pretend" that the Tiger Challenge is just 6 sleeps away and keep it at the front of my thoughts to light a fire under my butt, maybe I can use the doubts I have to my benefit. I can face the doubt monster head on, stare it down, mono e mono, challenge it, force it to work for me and not against me. 

   So I am going to invite doubt to train with me, push me, inspire me, and not drag me down. I will find benefit in doubt, that just the way I am....

Point Break

    Sparring. This last week we sparred for what felt like the first time in forever. Rusty, slow, hesitant, out of range, off target, basically I was back to square one. And all that did was make me want to spar more. 

   I had forgotten how much fun sparring is. To get hit, blocked, kicked, and smacked repeatedly reminded me that my ego meant nothing as soon as I walked through the door at the Kwoon. The smack down I received was much needed, and I want more 😃. 

   So hopefully Covid doesn't prevent our sparring in class (if it does - c'est la vie), my gear is cleaned and ready, I am pumped to get another "lesson".