Mulling the Now

   Did I say what I meant? Was what I said understood with the intention that I tried to convey? Is what I am saying making sense to others or only to me? Usually the answer is a big stinkin no, but to which question?. English is such a funny language, it is so easy to have your words or writings misinterpreted. As the immortal Bender Bending Rodrigues would say, "fun on a Bun".

   Take the word intensity for example. Ask 10 people what this word means to them and you will get 12 answers. I even have a hard time defining what this word means to me, to myself, right here and now. If I am in a good mood, it means one thing, bad mood, another, Tuesday this, Friday that. So trying to convey my inner understanding of this word is a quagmire of contradictions. Even the act of defining what intensity means to me causes the meaning to morph while defining it (funny, I actually typed in defiled by accident - Freudian slip?). 

   One of our written assignments for black belt grading is to define what intensity means to me. Done. Or is it?? I went back and re-read what I wrote on this subject and to myself I said "what the heck is this? This is not what intensity means to you, redo it!!". Well yes and no, that was what intensity meant to me at that time, at that moment, but not now, but maybe later? Arrgg - absolutes drive me bonkers. Which brings me to this. If you ask me on a Monday in the summer, intensity will mean one thing, a Tuesday in the fall, another. I am not being contradictory on purpose but you see the problem. As I grow in both age and knowledge, my understanding of the concept of intensity is going to change as well. This is a good thing, growth is good.

   So back to the drawing board on this word, for today's meaning will help define my training today, and who know what tomorrow will bring, right?

Ahh Vegas

    As summer winds down, Deb and I took a trip to Las Vegas with a few friends for her upcoming 50th birthday (Nov 2). As much fun as I had I must admit, nothing makes me miss the peace of home like a trip to Sin City. Sensory overload is the only way a simple Alberta boy can describe it. The noise, the lights, the excess of everything everywhere you look, and did I mention the noise? Being back at home, it feels as though a bubble has popped that was surrounding me, letting the peace of home come back to me with open arms. I also feel a weird sense of urgency to get things caught up and back on track. I am almost panicky when thinking about what the next few weeks of catch up will bring. But such is life.

    While in Vegas, Kung Fu took a side seat (never a back seat), I thought about it constantly, but try as I might, the opportunity never surfaced for me to do any meaningful training. Push ups - I was not putting my hands on that carpet, yuck, same as sit ups, double yuck. Forms, our room was tiny and designed by Picasso on dope, so only if I did the entire form on one spot, I did try but in no way did it feel like a form. The gym at the hotel was for steroid freaks only, so yikes - no thanks, there really was no open free spaces, but what did I expect, it's Vegas. 

   So back to now. Enough talking about what I didn't do, enough inaction. Time to get back at it, it truley is the only was to progress.

Easy Does It

    I really enjoy this time of the year. For me it is a time of contemplation, of review, of judgement. Did I get all my summer projects done, did I get in enough golf, did I make the most of the outdoors, did I visit family and friends, BBQ, ride my motorbike, take the dog on super long walks, go to football games, stare at the night sky, or did I sit on my butt and waste the five or six months we get before mother nature pushes me back inside. Yes this years' weather has been kinda weird, May was nice, June was rain-rain-rain, July and August were crazy hot, but mother nature doesn't care about my schedule so again I ask myself ,"did I make the most of my time?". 

   Well yes and no seems to be my answer. Luckily I am a morning person so I do my best to get as much done before 10 AM as the evenings can be repressively hot. But unfortunately this doesn't work for my family some days, well okay, most days. So I learn to be quiet, tip toeing around, planning and laying out my daily chores so that when everyone is finally up (usually 8ish), BOOM, I can get right at it. Such is today. I was up at 4am-ish (my normal time whether I like it or not) and wandering about the house planning my morning. What I ended up spending most of my time doing this morning was reflecting. Watching the sunrise, listening to the birds sing, watching the world take shape outside my window. It was very peaceful. Hence this blog. 

   I don't know if it because I am creeping up there in age or I am just starting to finally realize that life is way too short to worry about the petty things but some realizations have crept into my being lately. The world will go on just fine when my time is over so I must enjoy the time I am given. My health is good, my job provides, my family is pure gold, I have all I need to be happy, so I will be just that, happy. Sure I will still strive to improve where possible, but I won't stress about it. 

   I think one of the biggest factors that permeates my ability to enjoy my life is the awesomeness of those who have chosen to be a part of my life. Past and present, living and passed on, I have had and still do have some very incredible people in my life. The list is quite long, I won't go into detail, but you know who you are. 

   So thank you to all who have allowed me to be me, who have allowed me to enjoy this life, I greatly appreciate you.

  

Searching

    Looking out my window this lovely morning (Sun Aug 28 7am 10c perfectly clear sky very slight breeze - chilly but gorgeous - Johnny Cash playing on my Air Pods), I can't help but feel fortunate. My dog lays at my feet snoring, the two people I love the most are enjoying a morning of as much sleep as they want, I feel good - at peace. 

   It is the day after my latest assessment, two hours of pushing myself as hard as my mind and body would allow. It was a great day, it was a humbling day, it was a priceless learning day. 

   While I was disappointed with my overall results, I look at the day as a win. Why? What makes this assessment different than the other ones? That is a hard one to put into words. I will try to summarize my thoughts on this so this may be a bit disjointed.

   In no way do I want to come across sounding negative or using excuses to describe the day and what I have learned. Keep that in mind, these are just thoughts rambling around in my oversized melon. 

#1- I payed no attention to my numbers, I blocked them out, I just did as much as I could. Sure the numbers still matter, but I wanted to focus on what each piece of the test brought to the table. Speed was no longer my enemy, it was my ally, poking me to push just a little harder, to not listen to my body saying "stop", but to my mind saying "go". I found by doing this I was able to visualize better how this benefited my Kung Fu. No longer was I just going through the motions, I was saying before each one, this will benefit me by so and so. And believe it or not this made me actually enjoy doing it. And that made me laugh at myself. 

#2 - Laughing at myself made me realize I have been approaching this entirely wrong. I was sacrificing everything that is the most important for speed, for a number. Instead of using this as all or nothing approach, I now see more of the actual purpose that I need to apply to my training. Master Brinker calls it a scorched earth approach versus a sustainable lifetime approach. Where do I want to be when I am 60, 70, 80 and so on.

#3 - Where to go from here? Well forward of course. I will adjust some aspects of my training, but most will stay the same because I enjoy them. And that is so very important to my journey because if I no longer enjoy what I am doing, I will stop doing it. So I will start my day with Tai Chi, I will do my push ups and sit ups, I will squeeze in other forms when time permits, I will stretch, and somewhere in this I will kick and kick and kick till either I need new hips or my kicks become something I can be proud of. 

That is all for now, the day calls and I am listening, time to do, not do not.

Blurred

    It's the end of August (almost), and I feeling as though I have let so many golden opportunities pass me by this summer. Yes it rained for the month of June then has been stupid hot for the last two months but still, mother nature doesn't care what my schedule is so I am the one at fault. 

   I think I am spending to much time lamenting on things I didn't do and not focusing on what time I have left to get the things done that I want to still do. Even writing this blog, a list of unfinished projects and desires pop up in front of me. 

   I don't know why I have fallen into this funk but I don't like it. So this will be a short blog cause I am now annoyed at my lack of gumption and I am going to get my butt moving and throw my but out the window.

4 Degress to the Right

    In applying my previous blog about the all mighty question not questioning, I have felt doors opening all around me. Gone (mostly) is toxic way of thinking that I only want to do something "my way".

 Standing in front of me now like a shining beacon of white light is the wonderful face of opportunity. It has made me more aware of my Kung Fu in ways that I am super excited to explore.

 I must admit that I am struggling with trying to apply some of the new knowledge that  I am taking in, but that is okay with me cause I have no time limit other that mortality holding me back. It has slowed things down for me, I am no longer rushing to learn ten things at once but instead savoring the one or two thing I can actually digest and apply. 

So if you see me watching and I look confused, I am just wondering how you are doing something and how I can maybe try to apply that to my Kung Fu. 

I feel like a white belt again, all is new and shiny. I am very excited to start a new phase of my Kung Fu  journey. All I have learned up to this point is step one, now to take my next step, then my next and so on.

2 Degrees to the Left

    Sometimes I get pretty rigid in my way of doing things, and my Kung Fu is no exception. In last weeks blog I talked about generating questions. While I still do find it tough to generate a question that asks a question and doesn't seem like I am questioning for the purpose of ego fulfillment, I must still strive to generate properly thought out questions or my Kung Fu will stagnate.

   Saturday's morning candidate's class helped me with this. It comes down to a simple idea, instead of saying "this particular move/technique doesn't work for me", I should ask myself "why doesn't this particular move/technique work for me?". 

   So right after the class, Kody and I practiced some forms that I had questions on. I presented my question to him, showed him "my" way of doing a particular move, then watched "his" way of doing the same thing. Similar but different. But who was right? And that right there is the crux of the issue. I have been asking questions to suit the answer I want or expect, trying to show I am right. 

   With my question in mind, I tried his way, then my way, then his way, then my way, until I not only saw the difference but felt the difference. Wow, his way does work for me. My now understood problem was I just thought my way was better so I resisted trying his way to the fullest possible extent, dismissing it before understanding it. That was a fairly big aha moment.

   So with a 2 degree shift to the left, I think I now see the difference between a question to help with growth versus a questioning something to massage my ego.