Imbalance

    Balance, imbalance, family, work, fun, tedium, positive, negative. How does one (me) balance these? Awhile back, I posted that everything was going great. Body was feeling good, family was going great, work was best it had ever been. Well, I jinxed myself. My body and family are still where they need to be thankfully, but work, ahh work. 

   It is like the god of mischief Loki heard me and decided his services were required. From staff turn overs, to upper management gaffes, to blockades (yes this dramatically affected me directly, as 99% of my stock is shipped by truck over the Ambassador bridge in Detroit), it just went on and on. The last 7 months (approx) have been very trying, and that is an understatement. It amazed me how intolerant most people have become, not just choosing "sides", but daring you to challenge their opinions, and then blaming me for their woes, like it was my fault not theirs. It became a daily, then hourly, then at every turn, struggle to hold my tongue, to not react to the anger and judgement, to try to be neutral, understanding, supportive. It tainted me. I would dread going into work, knowing that today would not be different, that someone would push me till I pushed back, hard. And sadly a few times I have pushed back, being as intolerant and ignorant as the person who was pushing me, and I was very upset with myself after as that is not who I want to be. I am bringing this home with me, wearing it like a blood stained suit of dented armor, unable to take it off. I have been actively looking at my future employment, as my current position is starting to eat away at me, not nibbles but huge bites, every time I set foot in the door.  Not good. No light, all dark.

   Thankfully I have a few very powerful points of light in this darkness. Of course my wife and son, my rocks, my lighthouse, my candle in the window. My dog (Bailey), all she cares about is love, "pet me, feed me, play with me", so simple, so pure. And of course, Kung Fu. Being able to leave it at the door and enjoy getting punched and kicked, slapped around, perfect. Every kick, every punch, every drop of sweat I take and make, rebuilds who I am. Too be able to channel my mind into doing one form over and over, push-ups sit -ups horse stance kicks sparring grappling or to focus on just breathing, pushes back at the dark that tried to envelope me, saying to the dark in me "you shall not pass!!"

   So another day dawns and I shall strive to look for the light, I shall push back against the dark with the light till I find a new balance that I can live with.

Thanks for reading