Searching

    Looking out my window this lovely morning (Sun Aug 28 7am 10c perfectly clear sky very slight breeze - chilly but gorgeous - Johnny Cash playing on my Air Pods), I can't help but feel fortunate. My dog lays at my feet snoring, the two people I love the most are enjoying a morning of as much sleep as they want, I feel good - at peace. 

   It is the day after my latest assessment, two hours of pushing myself as hard as my mind and body would allow. It was a great day, it was a humbling day, it was a priceless learning day. 

   While I was disappointed with my overall results, I look at the day as a win. Why? What makes this assessment different than the other ones? That is a hard one to put into words. I will try to summarize my thoughts on this so this may be a bit disjointed.

   In no way do I want to come across sounding negative or using excuses to describe the day and what I have learned. Keep that in mind, these are just thoughts rambling around in my oversized melon. 

#1- I payed no attention to my numbers, I blocked them out, I just did as much as I could. Sure the numbers still matter, but I wanted to focus on what each piece of the test brought to the table. Speed was no longer my enemy, it was my ally, poking me to push just a little harder, to not listen to my body saying "stop", but to my mind saying "go". I found by doing this I was able to visualize better how this benefited my Kung Fu. No longer was I just going through the motions, I was saying before each one, this will benefit me by so and so. And believe it or not this made me actually enjoy doing it. And that made me laugh at myself. 

#2 - Laughing at myself made me realize I have been approaching this entirely wrong. I was sacrificing everything that is the most important for speed, for a number. Instead of using this as all or nothing approach, I now see more of the actual purpose that I need to apply to my training. Master Brinker calls it a scorched earth approach versus a sustainable lifetime approach. Where do I want to be when I am 60, 70, 80 and so on.

#3 - Where to go from here? Well forward of course. I will adjust some aspects of my training, but most will stay the same because I enjoy them. And that is so very important to my journey because if I no longer enjoy what I am doing, I will stop doing it. So I will start my day with Tai Chi, I will do my push ups and sit ups, I will squeeze in other forms when time permits, I will stretch, and somewhere in this I will kick and kick and kick till either I need new hips or my kicks become something I can be proud of. 

That is all for now, the day calls and I am listening, time to do, not do not.

Blurred

    It's the end of August (almost), and I feeling as though I have let so many golden opportunities pass me by this summer. Yes it rained for the month of June then has been stupid hot for the last two months but still, mother nature doesn't care what my schedule is so I am the one at fault. 

   I think I am spending to much time lamenting on things I didn't do and not focusing on what time I have left to get the things done that I want to still do. Even writing this blog, a list of unfinished projects and desires pop up in front of me. 

   I don't know why I have fallen into this funk but I don't like it. So this will be a short blog cause I am now annoyed at my lack of gumption and I am going to get my butt moving and throw my but out the window.

4 Degress to the Right

    In applying my previous blog about the all mighty question not questioning, I have felt doors opening all around me. Gone (mostly) is toxic way of thinking that I only want to do something "my way".

 Standing in front of me now like a shining beacon of white light is the wonderful face of opportunity. It has made me more aware of my Kung Fu in ways that I am super excited to explore.

 I must admit that I am struggling with trying to apply some of the new knowledge that  I am taking in, but that is okay with me cause I have no time limit other that mortality holding me back. It has slowed things down for me, I am no longer rushing to learn ten things at once but instead savoring the one or two thing I can actually digest and apply. 

So if you see me watching and I look confused, I am just wondering how you are doing something and how I can maybe try to apply that to my Kung Fu. 

I feel like a white belt again, all is new and shiny. I am very excited to start a new phase of my Kung Fu  journey. All I have learned up to this point is step one, now to take my next step, then my next and so on.

2 Degrees to the Left

    Sometimes I get pretty rigid in my way of doing things, and my Kung Fu is no exception. In last weeks blog I talked about generating questions. While I still do find it tough to generate a question that asks a question and doesn't seem like I am questioning for the purpose of ego fulfillment, I must still strive to generate properly thought out questions or my Kung Fu will stagnate.

   Saturday's morning candidate's class helped me with this. It comes down to a simple idea, instead of saying "this particular move/technique doesn't work for me", I should ask myself "why doesn't this particular move/technique work for me?". 

   So right after the class, Kody and I practiced some forms that I had questions on. I presented my question to him, showed him "my" way of doing a particular move, then watched "his" way of doing the same thing. Similar but different. But who was right? And that right there is the crux of the issue. I have been asking questions to suit the answer I want or expect, trying to show I am right. 

   With my question in mind, I tried his way, then my way, then his way, then my way, until I not only saw the difference but felt the difference. Wow, his way does work for me. My now understood problem was I just thought my way was better so I resisted trying his way to the fullest possible extent, dismissing it before understanding it. That was a fairly big aha moment.

   So with a 2 degree shift to the left, I think I now see the difference between a question to help with growth versus a questioning something to massage my ego.

Generate

    I usually don't ask a lot of questions. I really like to try and figure out things for myself, you know, bull headed, stubborn, ego-full, obstinate. Just the way I was built I guess. Well I am really trying to change that, and not just because I was told to by many different people. Usually when I generate a question, I strive to answer it myself. This way I don't necessarily have to think about the question itself, but just act on the "feeling" it gives me, good or bad. 

   Yesterday, Kody and I were going over various forms. I asked him to evaluate my forms as an instructor and not my son. "Be honest with me please" I say because I truley do value his opinion, he has earned it in spades. After some discussion I decided it was time to start asking some questions. Right there, right now, while they are fresh in my mind. I was surprised to see I actually had several questions that if I would have waited would have disappeared later. Not only did I ask the questions, but I wrote them down for further contemplation. This is new for me. And I now see the value. 

   But I must make sure that when I am generating these questions that I am asking a question and not questioning based on what I think is right. Again, ego, I must kick you to the curb Mr Ego or the question is worthless. That is the tough part, asking the correctly phrased question that best represents my struggle, not what I expect the answer should be (I don't know if this wording properly represents my thoughts on this - see how hard the English language can be - good grief)

   So lets see if I remember in class to ask some of these questions or if, as usual, I totally forget about them till it is to late and I am driving home going "oops" I forgot to ask this question. Maybe I should tuck my post-it note with my questions on it in my belt and hope it doesn't get soaked with sweat so I can pull it out at the end of class.

I Am....An Explorer

 I Am....An Explorer

 

    When I think of great explorers, I think of the likes of Ferdinand Magellan or James Cook. But I also throw in Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, Nicola Tesla, and the list goes on and on. Individuals who had the passion and drive to explore not just the world around them but their own mind and spirit. The tangible and intangible alike, well beyond the arbitrary boundary set by convention. Daring to not be content with what others tell them is the "truth" or "fact", but instead finding out for themselves what is actually their truth.

   Now I am in no way comparing myself to these pioneers of the modern world as we know it. My life is more like PeeWee Herman's Great Adventure that lets say Leif Erikson first setting foot on North America over 1000 years ago. My exploration is usually caused by happenstance.

   Prime example was last night. We (Deb, Kody and I) went to Ribfest at central park on a whim. On the way home, Kody wanted to go down a path I didn't even know was there, hmm. I commented that I had never been in this part of Spruce Grove before now, neat. Got me to thinking about other areas of the city I have now lived in for coming up 20 years that I had absolutely never been to. I have a bike, I have feet, I have a dog that loves walks. Why have I not explored these parts of my home town? Well one reason of course is time, but this is more of an excuse because if I really wanted to get out there and explore I would MAKE the time. The next one is tougher to admit, desire. Part of me says "you haven't been to these places cause you either haven't needed to go there or are just indifferent to them". Ouch. Not much of an outdoor explore here. Lots of room here for me to grow.

   Here we take a turn to the "Me". Kung Fu. A Martial Art with 2000+ years history, vast and colorful, stories and legends that would take a lifetime to hear and learn about. From the external part of the art to the internal, it has no ending, the path forward is forever, it is eternal. Where do I start, well as with the all important first steps in life, I take the first step (duh Don!). In this case I sign up for the journey of my lifetime, done. The key for me here is to keep going, never assuming I know even a millionth of what I need to know. Always learning, exploring our art both externally and internally. As we have learned repeatedly in class, getting a Black Belt is not the end of your exploration of Kung Fu, but merely a sign post on your journey. 

   I honestly look forward to exploring Kung Fu for the rest of my life. I look forward to  reading stories, going to class, interacting with my fellow travelers (that's you fine folks!), the blood, sweat and tears that the journey brings. And oh my what a exploration of me it is, I learn something new about "me" almost every day, wow....I am an explorer - of me.

Pullin Threads

    If I had to describe Me😁 right now I would have to use the words overburdened with chaotic everything. It is just that time of year when everything starts to happen at once. I must admit that most of the chaos is easily avoidable, but not at the expense of either missing out on something that I want to do or causing someone else to miss out on something that they want to do. There are football games, yard work, family time, down time, festivals, BBQs, get togethers, golf games, dog time, work, etc...you know - life. And of course Kung Fu (loves me fu).

   I want to get it all in, squeeze every drop of universe juice out of life, but there is only so much time in every day, so I must prioritize. So I pull threads. Oh my big tangled ball of string I call life, how I love thee. Like a gargantuan ball of tangled Christmas lights, I sigh and steel myself cause the only way to proceed is to start pullin. Luckily my threads are all labelled so I find an end, start tugging, and see where it leads you, hopefully I choose a meaningful end and not a dead end (knot or not?). 

   The treads I choose to pull today are.... finally read everyone's blog, I mean you all took the time to write them, the least I can do is read them. Then do some forms/push ups/sit ups. Then get my pup to the groomers (puppy spa day!!). Then some yard work, then pick up the pup, then groceries, then Kdays with the family (BIG chunk of the day here), then start some laundry, maybe some food squeezed in here and there, well you get - lots to do. 

   Prioritize, organize, adapt, but most importantly, enjoy. That is the shining star that guides my ship, am I enjoying this? Well Scooby-Doo, yes I am. My family, my pup, my home, my Kung Fu, I love all of it. So every ounce of smiley juice I can squeeze out of all the above I will. 

    Thanks for your time, I know you are busy too.