I am struggling. This year feels different for me than others for some reason. This is my seventh year in the IHC and I am determined to do all twelve years, it is one of my personal lifetime goals. I'm not saying I am apathetic or I regret joining the IHC this year but something feels different to me. I know it is all in my head, as Robert M Pirsig ( Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance ) would have described it, I have blockage.
I know when this year of the Snake started (Jan 29, 2025), I know I have committed myself to the IHC and everything that that entails. But when the date finally arrived to start the new year, I found myself totally unprepared. I am actually kinda ashamed and mad at myself for being in this situation, it is not who I am.
In every previous year I already had my daily planner ready, my weapon chosen and the beginnings of a form and many reps done of my hand form. This year I am chasing my own tail trying to get moving. It took me and extra week just to get my daily journal ready, I have finally committed to my hand form today (Mlong Kuen) but I am still at a loss about my weapon. I had plans for a Snake Spear and had started to play with some moves with a stick I already had, then things fell off the rails. Now this is all on me and I know it and my lack of self care. I find myself physically unable to lift my left arm above my shoulder without pain. I can get it over, slowly, but because I have lived in the delusional mindset that I am invincible, I fear going to the doctor cause I know the next steps to living with this are things I have being trying to avoid.
Okay, I'm gonna stop this pity party right here. This is all on me. Like my Dad used to say, "build a bridge and get over it!". Monday I call my doctor.
P.S. this is my arsenal to choose a weapon from, funny when I lay it all out, so many toys!!
P.S.S. if anyone needs anything from the assortment, feel free to borrow for the year.
Push Ups 900
Sit Ups 1045
Sparring 45
1609KM 46.61km
Acts of Kindness 21 recorded
Hand Form 5
Weapon Form 0
Mastery recited 1
When it comes to a weapon choice I find the weapon chooses me because of the lessons it has to give and what I’m currently in need of. Meditation may help with this. Maybe have a few in mindand see what pops up first. I like the long black twisty staff thing either way the head.
ReplyDeleteYeah. Put your ego aside and pick a weapon that will allow you to heal and strengthen your shoulder. You have nothing to prove and you want to be able to be mobile in years to come.
ReplyDeleteMaybe look into qi gong routine?