I Am....Patient

 I Am....Patient

 

   Christmas lights. Nothing tests my patients like taking down and putting up Christmas lights. Today was my day to finally put everything away till this fall. It wasn't snowing (finally) or raining, it was sunny and warm, we should have been golfing but Covid strikes again (Deb is isolating so so are we). "Be patient Don" I tell myself.

No matter how hard I tried, things got tangled, plastic broke, pieces just up and vanished, each cord seems to have three ends or no end at all, half the lights are faded or broken, I was really tempted to just leave everything up permanently. Unfortunately, my lawn mower would make short work of most the lawn decoration and then I would just have to buy new ones and do this all over again. So take a deep breath, be patient and take my time, what should have taken an hour took three, but everything is away in it's cozy little place, ready to be put out again this fall. Score one for patience.

And I thank Kung Fu for this. Every time I was about to go toe to toe with a Santa or a snowman inflatable, every time a cord had magically wrapped itself around my body like a hungry Boa Constrictor, every time I was extra gentle with a glass figure only to have it explode after I put it down, every time something bashed me in the shin just cause I have shins, I thanked Kung Fu for teaching me patience. 

Seriously though, I am in this life for the journey not the destination. My life has many sign posts telling where I have been and what I have done, some bad, most good/great. The patience I now feel in my life has allowed me to savor most everything, to be able to slow down and drink in my limited time on this earth. 

But I must be careful to not allow my patience to become inaction or procrastination. My patience must have a purpose, a means to an end. It must also have a dash of urgency, tempered by a pinch of inner peace. Patience must balance action and reflection, complimenting each other, working towards a ideal. What that ideal is is up to you.

Lower

    One of my requirements this year was a video record of my forms so I could see "me" through different eyes. Yesterday I videoed my Dadao sword form to see how it looked. Amazing the difference from what the mind thinks and sees to what actually is. I looked like a stick figure, no bending at the waste, no settling into my stances, no flow from one move to the next, and yet that is not what my mind thought of the form. I have no excuses because they would be just that, excuses. So today I am going to exaggerate every move, go deeper than I feel necessary, and bend till it hurts. 

   On a side note, yesterday at open training, I had a white belt ask me what he thought was a simple question, "how do the belts and stripes work?". Well 45 minutes later, I am still talking about the stripes and their significance, and I can see his eyes glazing over thinking "does this guy ever shut up, all I asked was a simple question?".  Well, at least I was thorough, right 😁?

I Am....Participating

I Am....Participating

 

    I think the one definition of participating that I think suits this blog is "take part in an action or endeavor". For example, marriage, parenthood, friendships, employment, and of course Kung Fu, all require a certain level of participation if they are to be successful. To little participation and success is unlikely, to much and the other important things in your life will tend to suffer.

   One thing I find is that if I truly enjoy doing something, participation is easy. Take my marriage for example, I love my wife, I enjoy spending time with her and I absolutely adore her, so participating in a successful marriage is very easy, almost effortless in fact. On the flip side, employment, my career basically chose me, and while I am fairly successful at what I do, I must actively push myself to participate in finding enthusiasm in what I do. Such is life. 

   So my level of participation definitely varies based on what I am doing. Participating in our Silent River Kung Fu community, super easy, participation is at 100%, no brainer, all in, wuxin (Wuxin? Whoa there, is it? - I must think on that - more thoughts later - boy this is a rabbit hole of contradictions).

   I am finding that this blog is becoming very difficult to write as the more I think about the topic and how it relates to myself, the more I am questioning the difference between levels of participation and commitment. But I will try to separate the two for now cause this could spiral to a blog of confused thoughts. 

   So for now I'll go with this, I enjoy participating, it allows me a freedom that cannot be enjoyed from isolation. Sorry this blog took a weird turn, these topics sound so easy to talk about but are truly not. Guess that is the point behind this, self-exploration.

Doldrums and Tear-er

    Hot, cold, excited, indifferent, energetic, lethargic, up and down. That is me lately with just about everything I am doing. I am finding a lack of spring in my step, waiting for something. I know May is going to be a crazy busy month with the Tiger challenge, giving blood, a fitness test, possible demo, spring cleaning/outdoor projects, beginning of football season, and so on, I just wish I could spread some of it to this month. But alas, I can't, so I wait. And waiting annoys me to no end. And all these "breaks" in April make it worse because there is no class, it's like I hold my breath for the month waiting for it to end, not being able to exhale till May rolls around. As Charlie Brown would say "Good Grief!".

   Dadao sword. Boy I love this sword. It just feels right. It is a blunt smashy smashy choppy choppy weapon of pain, no flair, nothing subtle about it. Just like me. Out of the previous three weapons I have tried in the IHC (Chucks, Tonfas, Axes), this is my favorite. It is a beast, it is relentless, if I make a mistake it tells me - painfully. This is the weapon I need to advance my Kung Fu, it stirs me mentally every time I use it. I feel my lines, blade positioning, depth of stance, POWER, so much more with this sword than I thought I would. I have even named it - Tear-er (like terror but more painful).

I Am....Self-Sufficient

    I Am....Self-Sufficient

    To be independent, self-reliant, self-supportive, self-subsistant, to rely on oneself, all good traits to have. I like to think I am self-sufficient, I like to think I can stand on my own two feet, but how did I get to that state? With the help of others, that is how. So to become self-sufficient I first needed to be non Self-sufficient. I needed you.

   I did not learn to read and write on my own, I did not learn to walk on my own. I did not learn my profession on my own, I did not learn to love on my own. All of it took the help and guidance of someone both smarter and better than me. A teacher, a mentor, a parent, a spouse (my lovely wife Deb💓😁), a friend, a child, the list is endless. 

   Every single one of these wonderful people have contributed to "ME". The presence of them in my life, the shared knowledge and wisdom that they have gifted me, every single juicy morsel, all have made me who and what I am today. 

   So yes I am self-sufficient, but only because of the support I have received throughout my life. As well, the only way I will remain to be self-sufficient is the continued support of the village that is my life.

   Thank you to all.

Mid Life Alive

    Mystery pains. Sudden allergic reactions. Tired with sudden bursts of energy. Stiffness, crankiness, it goes on and on. Today for some reason I am feeling very old. All I want to do is soak in a warm tub and nap. No drive today, in fact no gears at all, the engine is sputtering. But...

   I will still train today. I will record my numbers, however minimal today. To not train today will make me feel even worse. Not training is not an option. It isn't going to be pretty, it isn't going to be energetic, but my body and soul need it. A little Tai Chi, maybe some 18 Temple Motions, a few sit ups and push ups, keep it light. Who knows, maybe it will fire my engine and turn in to a great training day. Talking about it won't do anything so I will get my butt up and see what the morning brings. 

   P.S. re:allergic reactions. Suddenly after 51 and 11/12ths years I am reacting to my deodorant. Bright red rash and itchy as stink (haha stink, get it?). I am trying a "non" blah blah deodorant but I know there is a wealth of knowledge in this group so I am open to any advise or recommendations short of rubbing soylent green on my pits.  

   Here is the brand I am trying based on the health food store across from my work, this is not a product placement ad (no body sponsoring me👎 ), just the brand I am trying.

I Am....A Teacher

   I Am....A Teacher

    Experience, the older you get (hopefully) the more you have. Life, career, relationships, health (both mental and physical), good or bad, it all accumulates. It's what you do with it that matters. 

   I choose to try to impart as much of myself on the world around me as I possibly and reasonably can, because there is only one Me, and good or bad, and once I am gone, poof, I am gone. I am not a scholar, I am not a sage or mystical monk living in a cave on a mountain top, I am Me. 

   I am frantic, I am insecure, I am demanding, I am caring and loving, I am many things to many people (including myself), and I want to be remembered by those around me when I am gone. Not a statue or any ego-maniacal thing like that, but maybe just a "remember when Don said this....", simple. And I can do this by teaching what I do and don't know to those around me. Showing and telling how to do or not do something, spreading my limited experience to those willing to listen, teaching them what and who I am. Making my lineage known by teaching about myself and what I did in my limited time on this earth. 

   Teaching for me is both surprisingly easy and monumentally hard. It is a paradox of thoughts trying to dominate each other, both the wrong and right way of expression fighting to be heard. I constantly ask myself, "self, is this truly what you are trying to say, are you helping or hindering?". Fifty one years of experience and knowledge trying to funnel itself through my brain stem and out my mouth. Sometimes it is gibberish, sometimes it is actually what I wanted to get across, so caution is vital. But I can't let caution prevent me from being Me. 

   Teaching is hard, but priceless and absolutely necessary to me.

Open Training Part Deux

    I always love the freedom of open training. It's my time to do as I want, in the Kwoon, on my own. Do I work on forms, weapons, fitness, whatever, it is all up to me. This Saturday was no exception. 

   Started as usual, a little forms, a little weapon, a little this, a little that. Then a new student from Wednesday's class showed up. One class in and he is already at open training, awesome commitment. Of course he was lost as to what to do, so over I came and we spent the next hour going over the basics like stances, etiquette, stick form, and so on. Great stuff. And as always, when showing someone else how to do something, like a proper open X, it forces you to improve on your own technique, priceless opportunity. 

   So again, open training was probably my best two hours of Kung Fu this week, Thank you Mr Barnes for showing up because by you showing up it forced me to show up (mentally) and work just that little bit harder. Opportunity exploited.