Easy to Read

    I am an open book. Laid bare for the world to see, ask me a question and I will give you an honest answer. Life is to short for me to not be an easy read. I try to be as positive as I can be at all times, even when I am getting kicked in the (fill in what you like). I have been a negative person, I have been a narcissist, pessimist, mean spirited, etc. I look back at that previous me and wonder how I ever survived. It was eating me alive, it was a dead end. 

   Then it all changed, I found the martial arts and my wife (Deb), almost at the exact same time (coincidence?? or providence??). The world was suddenly brighter, life made sense finally. At last, I had (and have) a purpose. 

   That is why this last weekend was a kick to the soft squishy underbelly for me, a real eye opener. Fitness and forms for 5-1/2 hours, what could possibly go wrong, right? Well, everything and nothing, all at the same time. Believe it or not, I loved every second of it, even the 2km run. I felt alive, I was part of something greater than me, I testing myself, pushing myself, seeing what I was made of. 

   I may not have been overly happy with the end results but now I have a much better understanding of ME. I surprised myself and disappointed myself, all at the same time. Yes I found myself holding back on certain things, now I can ask myself why, and what it is going to take for me to give it everything I have, not 90% but 100%. Yes I was as nervous as stink when I was doing my forms, but holy smack did I learn from this, sooo much insight, so much to correct and work on. To do the fitness test from start to finish, to do the school forms in front of the SRKF grading board, this is life changing. I am only just now starting to fully comprehend the magnitude of the things I learned. 

   I will continue to blog as I have more insight to this, but for now suffice to say, wow, this is why I am in Kung Fu. Where else can I learn so much about me by failing so spectacularly? Where else do so many people want you to succeed, where else is failure actually success?

   This may not have come across the way I wanted but I am still processing "stuff". more to follow.

Please Sifu, May I Have Another?

    What a glorious day it was. Five and a half hours of getting to know myself. Pass or fail was secondary, self awareness and personal growth was everything, to me. I learned so much about my Kung Fu yesterday, it was a poke with a stick to the eye for detail for me. Keep my eyes up, expand and contract my moves, flow but finish, breath, relax and explode, it goes on and on. Awesome. So much to learn from just one day, I can't wait for the next opportunity to take this knowledge and apply it to what was taught to me. And that will come sooner than I think, cause that starts today, aches and pains be damned! 

   Now don't get me wrong about the pass or fail part, I gave it my all. I pushed and pulled till my body gave out, then pushed and pulled a little more. But I didn't try to "work" the test. I know that pass or fail,  this is but a step on my journey. Black belt or cue belt, I will be here tomorrow, learning from the best people I have ever met. This is a lifelong experience, growth not goal orientated. That doesn't mean I don't want a black belt, but I want to earn my black belt for the right reasons, I want to BE a black belt, not get a black belt. If that takes the rest of my life, so be it, I'm in this for the long haul. And yesterday sure felt like a door being opened to show me the right way to proceed on that path. Now to go through that door and follow that path and grow from what it brings.

   Thank you to all the Sifus who took the time out of their lives to allow me to participate in yesterdays grading. I greatly appreciated all the efforts you put into the guiding of your student towards mastery. I am a better person for just knowing you, Thank you all.

Now to go do some Kung Fu

 

 

  

I See the Need

    I see the need for consistent action now more that ever. The past few days I decided to give my body a tiny break from my regular routine. No push ups or sit ups in the morning, just stretching. While my shoulders and back feel rested and ready, my mind doesn't. I have disrupted a morning routine that has served me well for a few years now and it made me feel like something was missing from my day. I actually tried to "sneak" a few push ups and sit ups in after work one day, I had to stop myself and remind my mind that there was a reason for the rest. 

   Now it is Sunday, I have had 2 solid days of rest, I am eager to resume my consistent action that has worked well for me. I can see how easy it would be to fall into this gumption trap, I'll call it the "tomorrow" trap. "Gee Mom, I'm tired, can I do it tomorrow, I promise I'll get it done". But remember, tomorrow never comes, it is always today, so if I fall into that trap, I'm doomed to fail at everything. 

   Time to ramp it up for this Saturday, upward curve, reach for the peak, leave nothing on the table, have I missed any cliches? Seriously though, I'm excited for our first test this weekend, it is a benchmark for me that I truly need and want. "Where am I and What am I doing?", this Saturday should be a good test of that question. 

   Thank you to all who are giving me this chance to test myself, your time and attention is greatly appreciated, I will do my best. See you Saturday.

Rain, Breathing and Football

    I have taken this past week to really reflect on some of the anxieties in my life. Things that would cross my mind, in no particular order, my health, the weather, my mother, my job, society, both the lack and excess of kindness in the world. So much of this I can not control. So much of this weighs heavy on me. 

   But then it rained yesterday. Ahhhh let the healing begin. Then I went to a football game. Today I will see my mother, today I will look after my health ( both physical and mental ) better today than yesterday. I will control what I can and accept what I can't. And love my family twice as hard as yesterday. Time to take a breath and enjoy where I am and what I am doing.

   This of course includes my training and Kung Fu. 

   I am not a religious man but my Dad used to have this quote hanging in his office and I find it applies more every day to my life in general.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

 Reinhold Niebuhr

Crunch Time

    With July 2021 now in the rear view mirror, the reality of Grading Day(s) cannot be ignored. It is almost here, so close my bones can fell it. It is exciting, it is terrifying, it is reality squared to the nth degree. Just short of my wedding day and the birth of my boy, I have never had this much nervous and excited energy in me. But I must remember that both my wedding day and the birth of my boy changed me forever, for the good. Never has my life been so sweet, never has the sun shone brighter, the air smelled fresher, the world looked more beautiful, than at the end of those days. I can close my eyes and take myself there, the Maligne Canyon outlook for our vows, beautiful, majestic, perfect, the Misericordia hospital for the birth, my wife, my family, and my soon to be son, awesome. Sure there were bumps on the road both days, but that was just fate adding some seasoning to the day. 

   I learned so much on both those days. I learned that you can not control everything, sometimes all you can do is prepare to the best of your ability and let the chips fall where they may.  Grading day is very similar ( I think ), I have prepared, practiced, listened to those who have experienced the day and to those who have planned the day. I am ready to give it everything I have and have no regrets regardless of the outcome. Yes I want to succeed, yes I want to pass, yes I will be in class Monday evening regardless of the outcome. This is a life long journey, and I want to live every second, enjoy every triumph, and learn from every failure. Thank you for being with me on this journey ( people reading this ), lets see where the road leads.

 

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