Beta version. My basement versus the Kwoon. In my mind versus in front of a crowd. Ego versus ability. Me versus Me. It was quite the battle for me on this last Thursday ( March 25, 2021 ) in class. I thought I had a fun little ditty ready to go for my beta version of my weapon form. I had even taken half the day off work to iron out a few kinks and add a few more moves. Felt pretty good about where I was at with the form in my basement. Did a little warm up in class, moves were still feeling good, mind was clear, body was willing, ego was in check, I was 5 by 5. And then it happened. My turn to show my stuff. My ego raced out there and took control, hard, fast, wide, move boy move!! My mind jumped in and screamed "that's not how we practiced this, slow down you fool!!". My body said "whoa old fella, you are gonna break a hip!". Then I faltered, I forgot everything I had come up with. Icebergs appeared in my flow, huge obstacles blocking my way, first a missed move, then a mental stumble as I tried to recover, my landmarks in the basement were gone, no way to recover. Fail! Or was it.
In Saturdays meeting, we talked about Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. One of the "lessons/ideals/philosophies?" in the book is about the ego climber. That was me on Thursday. I approached the demo in totally the wrong way. The demo was a hurtle to me, not a chance to grow from the experience. I didn't stop and smell the roses, I raced towards the finish line to get the job done. I missed everything that the demo was supposed to bring out in me. I missed everything Zen was teaching me. It took a couple of days for this to sink in, and when it did, boom. I think I get it now. Now to apply it.
So I will work on my demo some more, I will enjoy my progress AND my stumbles. This isn't a race, it is a journey. Now that it is a little nicer outside, I can get out and practice in the great outdoors, spreading my wings, stretching my form, finishing my techniques, breathing!!
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