Passion of the Process

   Projects. I have a ton of them on the go. Two of them are nearing completion, the first one is phase two of our pergola and the second one is rebuilding a section of my Mom's fence. Both of these are very personal for me as they will either show my attention for detail versus a "good enough" attitude. Guess which one I am striving for. Getting my "hands dirty" so to speak connects me with my person. Every screw I put in, board I cut, paint stroke I make, reflects upon me. Yes I make mistakes, but every one of them is correctable (mostly). I am not a carpenter nor a painter nor an engineer, I have zero formal training, I am just me. I build from imagination, good bad or ugly as it may be. If I make a mistake, I learn from it and move on, if I don't learn from it that is on me. 

   My wife laughs at me (lovingly of course) because before a major project I usually have many lists and drawn out plans. That is the way my cookie crumbles. I love to list details, I love to plan and replan, finding the flaws in my plan (hopefully) before I start wasting time and resources. I have a process, I need this process, without it I feel very ill at ease and lack confidence in what I am doing. 

   Obviously this applies to my Kung Fu. Attention to detail, the Black Belt success cycle, learning from mistakes, adapting to change in my circumstances (age, health, diet, etc), and passion for the process. Step by step I learn, step by step I adapt, step by step I make my Kung Fu my own, good bad or ugly. Whether my hand or weapon form is an a b c or d, this is part of my process. Knowing were I am at in the eyes of my instructors is vital for me to judge my process. Now to book some one-on-ones to help me adjust my process. 

Push Ups  9475

Sit Ups  8913

Sparring min  495

1609KM 808.97 km

Acts of Kindness 825 recorded

Hand Form  210

Weapon Form  220

Mastery recited 27

numbers 2025-06-21

Push Ups  9075

Sit Ups  8513

Sparring min  465

1609KM 768.67 km

Acts of Kindness 800 recorded

Hand Form  200

Weapon Form  200

Mastery recited 22

Slow on the Uptake

   Have you ever been in the moment so much that it makes you lose track of all that is going on around you? When the world becomes a blur, a singular moment of focus that trumps all other thoughts. Reality seems to bend to just that one moment, then it is gone and you realize your mind is now a blank trying to reset itself just to move forward even one step. I have.

   Tuesday in the Black Belt class we were working on a sequence of Mlong Kuen that includes a release from the hip that I have been doing wrong for a while. I saw my error, I worked on correcting it, I focused repeatedly on the correction to try to cement it in my mind. But my mind was slow on the uptake, muscle memory kept fighting to do it the "old" way. The internal argument got pretty heated at some points. I feel like I won(?) but only practice will tell. 

   Fast forward to Thursday. IHC class, hand demo. Now was the time to see if I won or lost the argument with myself. Here comes the move, GOT IT! I was so focused on getting that move correct that as soon as I did, well crap, I honestly could not even remember the very next step. I felt like a balloon that had just had the air let out of it. Pffffft. I was deflated. I stopped dead in my tracks, aghast with what just happened. I slowly sculked away from the rest of the team that were doing their demos, embarrassed with my utter failure. Yes I got the move, but at what cost?

   So I have deduced that my "focus" was actually a lack of focus. One move does not make a form. Yes that one move can be detrimental to the form by altering or negating your intent, but the form must go on. I have, since this incident, done this move a few dozen times focusing on the sequence not the move and now it is part (hopefully) of the overall form. 

   Painful lesson to learn at a very inopportune time but that is the way my cookie crumbles. Failure can be a jerk sometimes but mastery doesn't care about that. Mastery is turning that failure into a success. 

Push Ups  8037

Sit Ups  7513

Sparring min  460

1609KM 731.96km

Acts of Kindness 780 recorded

Hand Form  195

Weapon Form  200

Mastery recited 22

Rigid

    I can be pretty set in my ways sometimes, sorry, make that most times. When I have something set in my mind it is usually pretty hard for someone else to change it. Work, home, social, it all has it's own mental constructs and expectations for me, and I am usually fairly rigid in my unwillingness to allow it to change. My ego tries to force me to bend others to my will whether it be through force or constant pestering, I am set in my ways and opinions. It is hard for me to admit failure or error or that my way isn't the right way. 

   I have been trying to change this about myself. Specifically I have been noting when I find myself being "inflexible" in a given situation and then forcing myself to look through someone else's eyes. The question I pose to myself is "why am I right and am I truley right or just being a jerk?". Shockingly 😮 I find I am being a jerk more often than not. Wow, how can this be? Now to qualify, "jerk" to me means I am refusing to ponder the other persons reasoning because I think my own is superior to theirs. 

   Here is a little example that happened just yesterday. Kody and I were working on phase II of the pergola in the backyard. I have a vision of style, form and function set in my mind, a grand vision if you will.  It is not on paper or drawn out anywhere, it is in my head only, and to understand my vision you must understand me (good luck with that!!). So as we were preparing to set the length of some of the rafters, Kody shared his vision and reasoning that was in stark contrast to mine. My immediate reaction was no way, that is not my vision! But instead I took a step back and tried to understand his. And well crap, his made more sense than mine. Yea, personal growth for me...but the most memorable part was the look on Kody's face, utter shock that I was admitting (allowing?) that his idea was better than mine. He even questioned my decision to go with his design over mine. I now feel looking back on this that that one little situation changed us both, just a little bit but tangible enough to matter. 

 

   It felt good to go down this road, it is not one I travel frequently, and I think I am going to enjoy the view.  

 

 

Push Ups  6811

Sit Ups  6343

Sparring min 450

1609KM 689.07km

Acts of Kindness 735 recorded

 Hand Form  160

Weapon Form  180

Mastery recited 18

Funny Little Connections

   Life is funny sometimes. Little back story to get you to this point....

   I love audio books. They have allowed me to "read (hear)" books I would never have had the time to actually sit down and read. From classic books like War and Peace to fun books like Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (a Must Listen!), these books have opened up my mind to so much entertainment. At this moment I am listening to an 18 book series by Craig Alanson called Expeditionary Force. It is a science fiction series recommended to me by a fellow listener, and it has been a very entertaining series. I am currently on the final book and low and behold, it has crossed the path into my Kung Fu world. Let me explain.

    Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig, we all know this book and author right? Well one of the philosophers that Pirsig references is Kant, and we should all recognize that name from our list of questions about this book. I bring this up because this topic is not something that you would ever think would randomly pop up in your everyday daily life, unless you are an individual who discusses 18th century philosophy with other like minded people, and in case you did not know, I am not one of those people. So this is why I was taken a back this morning while listening to my audio book while doing laundry. Low and behold. as if someone had administered a mild zap to my body, there it was. The author of this book (Craig Alanson) referenced Kant and his philosophy towards "acts of kindness". I stopped dead in my tracks and couldn't believe the connection I did it not see coming. I had to rewind the bit a few times to absorb the delicious little tidbit that I was listening to. Holy crap, I did not see this coming and I loved it! Now I can't do the clip justice by trying to summarize it here and it doesn't paint Kant in the best light but it was still a little insight to the concept of "act of kindness"and why we do them.

   Just another way that Kung Fu is interwoven into my life. And it is humbling. Why is it humbling? It proves to me that I am not the only one contemplating the universe, that I am not the only one questioning right and wrong, that I am not alone when I look up at the stars and think "what if....."

 

 

Craig Alanson Expeditionary Force Book 18 (Gateway) Chapter 15 6:57min ish 

 

 

Push Ups  6411

Sit Ups  5938

Sparring min 450

1609KM 646.58 km

Acts of Kindness 700 recorded

 Hand Form  160

Weapon Form  180

Mastery recited 18

The Now

   I am not great at waiting. I am especially not great at waiting for others, or waiting for time, or waiting for events, or just waiting period. I have a hard time waiting on others to do something that I can get done right now. Is it a trust issue? Is it the many concussions I have suffered as a klutzy human (2 severe 1 mildly annoying). Is it the years (decades) of various individuals letting me down? If it is the last one, is that on me? Should my trust in others to do what they say they will do be tempered by the realization that what is important to them might not be important to me or vice versa? Hmm, writing down that last one sounds the most rightish, (goodish, trueish?). 

   This is just part of what makes me me, and I have been working on it. Realizing that I am not the center of everyone's universe is hard for me to accept 😏 but it must be true. How dare other people have lives and minds of their own, I thought everyone was supposed to wait on me hand and foot! That is what the internet says! Damn social media has been lying to me, what the heck!

   Anyways, this is the thought I was having this morning sitting here writing my blog. Why write it down? Well by expressing this thought in words (type) helps me to analyze the reasoning behind my anxiety of waiting. Also by analyzing myself, I believe it helps me to understand "Me" just a little more, and that is good.

 

P.S. Somehow a slow computer doesn't bug me, figure that one out!

 

 

Push Ups  6411

Sit Ups  5938

Sparring min 450

1609KM 604.65 km

Acts of Kindness 640 recorded

 Hand Form  160

Weapon Form  140

Mastery recited 18

Numbers update

   This blog is kinda a let down for me.  No inspirational thoughts jump out and say "write about me". So I will just publish my numbers and move on, maybe I will find inspiration somewhere in my day.

 

 

Push Ups  6411

Sit Ups  5938

Sparring  450 min

1609KM 566.23 km

Acts of Kindness 593 recorded

 Hand Form  145

Weapon Form 122

Mastery recited 18