The Now

   I am not great at waiting. I am especially not great at waiting for others, or waiting for time, or waiting for events, or just waiting period. I have a hard time waiting on others to do something that I can get done right now. Is it a trust issue? Is it the many concussions I have suffered as a klutzy human (2 severe 1 mildly annoying). Is it the years (decades) of various individuals letting me down? If it is the last one, is that on me? Should my trust in others to do what they say they will do be tempered by the realization that what is important to them might not be important to me or vice versa? Hmm, writing down that last one sounds the most rightish, (goodish, trueish?). 

   This is just part of what makes me me, and I have been working on it. Realizing that I am not the center of everyone's universe is hard for me to accept 😏 but it must be true. How dare other people have lives and minds of their own, I thought everyone was supposed to wait on me hand and foot! That is what the internet says! Damn social media has been lying to me, what the heck!

   Anyways, this is the thought I was having this morning sitting here writing my blog. Why write it down? Well by expressing this thought in words (type) helps me to analyze the reasoning behind my anxiety of waiting. Also by analyzing myself, I believe it helps me to understand "Me" just a little more, and that is good.

 

P.S. Somehow a slow computer doesn't bug me, figure that one out!

 

 

Push Ups  6411

Sit Ups  5938

Sparring min 450

1609KM 604.65 km

Acts of Kindness 640 recorded

 Hand Form  160

Weapon Form  140

Mastery recited 18

Numbers update

   This blog is kinda a let down for me.  No inspirational thoughts jump out and say "write about me". So I will just publish my numbers and move on, maybe I will find inspiration somewhere in my day.

 

 

Push Ups  6411

Sit Ups  5938

Sparring  450 min

1609KM 566.23 km

Acts of Kindness 593 recorded

 Hand Form  145

Weapon Form 122

Mastery recited 18

On Me

    This blog is actually an apology. Specifically to Sifu Rybak. During class on Thursday (IHC), I asked her a question. It wasn't the question I need to apologize for but the way I asked the question. I started my question by saying "I already know the answer to this". As soon as those words had left my stupid mouth I knew I had screwed up, big time. I know better than this, or so I thought. 

   Both Master Brinker and Sifu Rybak have talked about this before. And I have listened, I swear I have. I had just asked my question in a way that looked like I was wanting validation, like I knew better than my instructor. This couldn't have been farther from the truth, honestly, I didn't know the answer. So where did this come from? I was asking a question I truly wanted an answer to, I wasn't trying to be leading with my question. As soon as the words had left my mouth I knew my question was now in question. I wasn't asking a question I was questioning my instructor. It was my ego asking the question, looking for validation. I was so flustered with myself I don't even remember the answer, so I didn't just screw up my question, I wasted an opportunity to learn.

   While I am mad at myself for doing this, I am glad I have realize the severity of my mistake. So my apologize to Sifu Rybak, I did not mean for it to seem like I was questioning you, I will endevour to ask my questions properly from here on in. And to learn from my question.

Push Ups  6085

Sit Ups  5538

Sparring 425 min

1609KM 527.24km

Acts of Kindness 550 recorded

 Hand Form130

Weapon Form  115

Mastery recited 18

Limited but Unlimited

   Unusual but great. That was our trip to Vegas. I had a great time, it was amazing, so many things I could go on about, but another time perhaps. I will limit this blog and keep it short. Here we go....

   Problem is I am a nervous traveler, I do not like things I cannot control (to a certain extent), I expect problems at every turn. I was full of apprehension before the trip. Border security, possible flight cancellations, anti-Canada sentiment, an almost 40+% exchange rate to name a few. Then there was the over eating that usually accompanies vacations, the excess that Vegas brings, the change in sleep patterns, the list goes on. These stresses/worries are a part of who I am. But I keep it contained as best I can so those around me do not suffer my excitability. 

   That is why I enjoy traveling with my wife, somehow she keeps me in check. She is my buffer, my Zen, my anchor. Somehow she reels me in when I zoom off on a tangent. I can only imagine the chaos I would/could cause if left to my devices. Yikes! So thank you Deb, you work your magic on me so well that you are as mystical as life itself.

    Now for my Kung Fu over the past week. LIMITED. That is how I would describe it. Tuesday to Friday night, no classes, no online (out every night), no contact, it was all up to me. Usually when on a trip, I practice in a pool somewhere, basic moves and stances and strikes and blocks and of course Tai Chi, nothing to obvious to draw attention to myself. But this time it was different, the deep end of the pool was 4' deep, yup that is it - only 4' deep and right in the center of the pool. Even in a deep horse stance, I felt eyes on me everywhere. Some of the looks made me pause, like I felt that they felt I was "challenging" them, which of course I wasn't. So I stopped and just concentrated on my breathing, no need to stir the pot, just disappear into the water, nothing to see here, carry on, carry on.

   This caused an abundance of energy to start to build up in me. I was finding myself visualizing doing a forms right in the middle of the many casinos we visited (can you imagine!!). I didn't of course but I still chuckled at the mental image of the reaction this would have caused. So I changed my external need of movement to an internal path, instead of doing forms, I recited sections of Mastery (in my mind) and slowed my breathing to calm myself. I pushed my mind inward to feel how I was walking, to feel different muscles as I climbed endless flights of stairs, how my posture was while seated, used my vision and hearing to try to find the beauty in my surroundings. It helped, I no longer felt disconnected from my Kung Fu, I found it inside of me smiling at me, just waiting patiently to be noticed. "hello my friend, shall we begin? Ahhhh, they you are. And you are Unlimited.

 

 

Push Ups  6085

Sit Ups  5338

Sparring 425 min

1609KM 481.09 km

Acts of Kindness 500  recorded

 Hand Form  120

Weapon Form  100

Mastery recited 16